Kathy's one thousand one hundred and twelfth diet journal

What I can eat

2011-12-27T04:15:00.000-08:00

I went to the doctor the other day because of some "issues" that showed up at my annual physical. He asked if I had lost weight, or if my appetite was different.

"I said, well, yes, I've lost weight. And my appetite is not as large as it used to be. But..."

and I stopped.

"This is very important... " I really truly said.

"Unless I am about to die, if this is caused by illness, I do not want you to cure me until I lose another 20 or 30 lbs."

This is the thing: I don't really feel sick except for some pesky heart burn. I can't eat a whole lot at a time without becoming uncomfortable, but is that terrible? I mean, I am 5'4". I don't need a whole lot of calories.

And not being hungry makes it easier for me to choose better food. I'm not starving. I don't have to settle for the saltine crackers in the back of the cabinet. I can take the time to think about what I want... to eat intuitively and not impulsively.

Since I don't recommend the "get sick and die" diet (I am not dying any more than usual, so don't freak out on me), how does this translate to real life eating?

I think it depends on you and your personality style. One option is to plan meals in advance and have the food ready to be prepared and eaten. Although you can't plan for what your body will really need, you do know that a nice mix of colors is good. If you notice you are liking a lot of orange, plan for extra orange.

I can't do that, though. My mind revolts against pre-planning and order. It's painful, since there is another part of my mind that would like to take a 2012 calendar and spend January 1st writing EVERYTHING that is going to happen all year long. I'm still working on that... BUT...

My best option is to have a choice of healthy snacks that I really like, not the ones I'm supposed to like. I am able to go by the grocery store on the way to work and buy fruit and veggies and something for lunch. If I don't, I have peanut granola bars that will keep me from sucking down the saltines in the back of the cabinet. And because I get full really fast, I make sure to pick protein & a variety of colors first. I don't need the fillers as much right now, so I stay on the low end of number of servings of whole grain stuff.

This really sounds great when I write it out. Isn't that cool?

Intuition or Indulgence?

2011-12-22T04:28:00.000-08:00

Have you noticed that diets are about what you can't eat? I hate to hear people say, "if it tastes good it must be bad for you." And I feel sad when I see people who spend their entire life on a diet, in a constant battle with themselves, their desires, and their bodies. Is that a way to live?

As we've said, Eating the Angel Way is about eating intuitively: good food your body wants and needs. But if you look up "intuitive eating" on the web, you'll see a lot of arguments against it. The thought is that if we eat intuitively, we'll eat Snickers sandwiches and butter-cheese balls all day and all night. Then we'll die.

As I see it, the problem here is semantics. "Intuitive" does not mean "indulgent" or "urgent." Eating intuitively doesn't mean eating whatever we feel the urge to eat. Intuitive is eating what our bodies are really really telling us we want and need. Intuition is a quiet internal voice.

Indulgences or urges are most likely loud external voices. The commercial on TV with piles and piles of pancakes covered in whipped cream and syrup in flavors like pumpkin and eggnog and extra chocolate chocolate pie. The clock that says NOON which we know means lunch time. The extra long barbecue buffet bar where we have to eat enough to make it worth the money. The person who looks like our mother yelling at us, which makes us reach for the Chunky Monkey and pound bag of peanut m&ms.

And so, if I have the urge for a rooty-tooty-fresh-and-fruity pancake platter, I need to listen to my intuition. I need to shut off the television, shut out the mother-like person yelling at me, turn away from the clock. I need to ask, what do I really want?

Love? A hug? Something festive? Something sweet?

And when I am getting hungry, I can think about what I want to eat. I picture myself eating the pumpkin whipped cream pancake and bacon. I think about the taste (hmmm, not what I'd hoped); I think about how I feel afterward (ooohhh... Alka Seltzer. And Dawn to rinse the grease...). I think, a spinach and strawberry salad with raspberry vinaigrette would be really good. And a carrot cake cupcake with cream cheese icing. And of course, I might think, yeah, I want the pumpkin whipped cream pancake.

I told you everything that's good isn't bad for you.

Angels in the bottom of the well

2011-06-30T04:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I ate a not-outrageous amount of dark chocolate from France (which makes it better for you), a Chinese-like frozen lunch with lots of veggies, a bag of Frito's with French onion dip, a whole bunch of Popsicles, a half a blueberry Pop tart (cold) and yogurt. This is not what you'd call a stellar angel-eating day, but it could be worse. Really.

Back in the day, I would have eaten the tortilla chips, too. Also, a pint of ice cream, a pound bag of peanut M&Ms, and a box of Danish Wedding Cookies.

But still, it's not what I'd like to eat. Not just because it's "bad" food (there is no such thing as BAD FOOD, except maybe that fuzzy green thing in the back of the fridge). Because right now I feel like a salty, soggy, gassy bag of rice. And that's not what I want to feel like.

The other day I talked to a woman who said that if she ate one cookie, she'd go on a cookie binge & so she stayed away. She even said that to her chocolate was like alcohol to an alcoholic. And I almost said, "There is no bad food." Fortunately, I had to finish chewing the macadamia nut and white chocolate cookie before I spoke and that gave me time to think a little. And instead I nodded sympathetically and said, "You know what works for you."

That is what I want to say today. I know what works for me, sort of. I listen to Annie & Karen & Dr. Oz & Dr Ornish & even Oprah a little, and they, along with many others, give me insight and advice that is very helpful. Sort of like a guide book or an Atlas.

But the most important thing that I get from Annie & Karen is the admonishment to listen to my own body and to listen to the Angels. Moderation seems to work for me right now, but that doesn't mean it will work for everyone. It doesn't mean it will always work for me.

Maybe my friend needs to listen to her Angels and find out why she is addicted. But that's not for me. Maybe I need to find out why Frito's and French onion dip seemed to be the answer to my job stress: that is for me.

And maybe, while I sort through the job stress (still looking for a position as a hermit, FYI), I need to be a little more regimented in my eating. Maybe I need to set the worry of what to eat aside. Not a DIET, of course, just a plan that reminds me of the veggies & light protein I tend to forget. A list of light comfort food so I can get through the day and not have the added stress of what to eat on my mind. Food I like more than Frito's and French onion dip; food that doesn't make me feel like a soggy bag of rice. Just a list to shake me out of my yucky food addiction phase.

We'll see, but that's what it sounds like my Angels are saying to me today. And I really need the advice.

How did it happen?

2011-05-31T04:51:00.000-07:00

So, how did I start losing weight without drugs, strict diet plans, or vomiting?

I began eating the angel way. Very slowly.

http://eatingtheangelway.blogspot.com/p/10-angel-way-guidelines.html

I've been talking about eating the angel way, but because one doesn't lose 30 lbs a month or anything exciting like that, people just sort of smiled and nodded. And were grateful that I don't tell them what to eat.

But this is what has happened for me.

At first, I added a rainbow or two a day. I'd think about what I was going to eat, whether it was a pot luck lunch after church or the breakfast bar at Shoney's or dinner at home. I think about adding different colors, I'm finally OK with not having a rainbow in EVERY meal, but I like to add different things.

At first, I didn't really stop eating stuff. I ate cheese burgers from Hardees when my boss did a food run. I still ate fried fish and chips or chicken tenders with fries, or fries with fries.

And then, I started running out of room for the rainbows and the other stuff. I started thinking about light proteins (white food) that didn't over power the rainbows. I discovered Greek yogurt. THAT was a red letter day.

I'd have to plan meals that my family would eat. They were OK with adding veggies and fruits, but still wanted hamburger or fried chicken or something. Then two things happened, and so I'm not sure which had a bigger effect.

I realized I had to eat for myself, not for others (one of the ETAW rules). If I like pickled beets and Greek yogurt, I should eat them. If I don't want fries with that, I shouldn't eat them. And all meals didn't have to be meat and three (starches) with more meat on the side. It was time for them to eat like me for a change. Or not, they know how to cook.

The second thing is that my husband got test results and his cholesterol was awful. And being the orderly thinking type person he is, he changed his eating habits, right then and there. He is now addicted to Greek yogurt. He often throws a fillet of salmon and two veggies on a plate and microwaves it. He is learning that moderation is OK and doesn't beat himself up if he has a piece of fried chicken at the picnic. He has learned that one piece tastes as good as 10.

During the last tax season, instead of burgers and fries or steak egg and cheese biscuits, I ate yogurt, cheese and crackers, veggies and humus, rainbow chili, and all kinds of things. I have an occasional chili dog but mostly I don't eat fast food. Wendy's salads or chili and baked potato are about the only thing I'll do now. I still think baked macaroni and cheese is the best food ever. Throw in diced peppers, corn, shredded carrots, and purple onions and serve it as the main course, and you're humming with the angels.

The biggest thing is that I eat to feel good. I eat what I need. Intuitive eating doesn't mean eat whatever the hell you want, because we have to learn to be intuitive. (Yeah, counter intuitive, I know.) Said another way, we have to unlearn not being intuitive. We have to unlearn that visceral response to a television add with a great big piece of greasy chicken --- no it is not yummy. As my brother has said, "It makes you feel like you should wash your face in Dawn." And just because it's good for you doesn't mean it tastes bad. Why do we keep saying that?

I'll tirade more later... I'm sure you can't wait.

When did that happen?

2011-05-26T04:48:00.000-07:00

I have said many times that I don't DIET. It's a bad word that is chocked full of calories, at least in my case. I hear the word and gain weight.

It's not about weight, I say, stepping off the scale. It's about health. And mine is OK... really. All right, I'm tired, my blood pressure is high, I can't walk a mile in any one's shoes, ... did I mention that I'm tired? But at least I've got my health... sort of.

And so, we ask, how, after the stresses of holidays followed rapidly by tax season followed by trying to catch up on my life after tax season, do I find myself here: I've lost two & a half clothing sizes in the last year. Three and half in the last three years. AND I EAT ALL THE TIME.

OK, the first possibility is that I was not wearing the right size. In my mind, I am always the same size. Y'know what I mean? That is usually FAT. So I buy the same size clothes until they (almost literally) fall off my body.

This is me in 2007, at the baby shower for my first grandson:

I was either a size 18 or 20. I have a picture from when Gabe was about 18-months (2009) in which I look more like the Michelin man (as my poor husband said in an unguarded moment, bless his heart).

Last year, I started wearing size 16, which was so cool for me I almost cried in the dressing room. As anyone who's been there knows, 16 is in the normal ladies department; 18 is in the fat ladies department. Sixteen is in Coldwater Creek. Sixteen is sweet!

And this year, I noticed the 16s were a little loose. OK, I have a flat butt. It's genetic. Flat is kind. It's more like non-existent. Except, in my case, flat and wide. But recently, not so wide.

Then one day during tax season, I was wearing my favorite black size 18 jeans. And they kept sliding down. Far. And my cotton granny pants were not meant to peak over the back of my jeans. Ever.

And so, I drove to Walmart, tried on a pair of size 14 jeans (with a little stretch), and THEY FIT. I didn't even have to lie down on the floor of the changing room to zip them! To make it even better, if I buy the Petite size, I wear 12.

I am so excited I think I'll blog about it. Oh wait, I did.

So now you are thinking, What? I lost 10 pounds in two weeks. Gained 20 back the next week, but that's how it works. Three years, Kathy, you say. Three years.

And I say, "Yeah! And I didn't diet. And although I joined a gym, I didn't go." (I'm not advocating that --- I really am going to start going next week. Really.)

So what happened? Pills? Surgery? Bulimia?

NO!!!! I started Eating the Angel Way!!!!

I'll go into more excruciating detail tomorrow.... cause it's too good not to share.

I just like to eat

2011-02-28T04:30:00.000-08:00

In my perfect world, I can eat anything I want and not gain weight, not feel like washing my face with Dawn, not drag around like a slug all day. In my perfect world, I sprint from my bed to my shower to my day...

In my real world, I eat broccoli and cottage cheese while drooling over my lunch mate's chili dog. I drag my sorry butt to the gym and beat my muscles into submission with the help of Dusty the ~~S&M~~ personal trainer.

Well, not me, as anyone who has ever seen me knows, but I do know people who do some or all of those things. And some of them look mahvelous. Sad, but mahvelous.

I'm the lunch mate with the chili dog. I gain weight when I walk by the Krispie Kreme store. I sprint to my car and hunt for the closest parking place wherever I go.

Or at least, that's how I USED to be. Now I eat chili dogs, fried fish, and 1 lb bags of peanut M&Ms very rarely. I don't really sprint anywhere yet, but I do park further away than I have to. And I eat at least one rainbow a day. I've lost three pants sizes in the last year. I need a new (smaller) bra. Which is a good thing for me.

And this is what I did not do:

I did not go to the gym even though I paid a boat load of money to join.
I did not stop eating greasy, fatty, yummy foods all of a sudden one day.
I did not start my DIET with a pocket full of will power & a Jillian Michael's DVD.

This is what I did:

I started small.

Really small. I have a dozen or so little note books and sticky notes with bits of my "diet journal." What I ate. What I wanted to eat. It's interesting that these written records all seem to be of days that did NOT include the chili dog or fried okra special. Hmmm...

I ate a rainbow a day.

When I started, I started by adding the rainbow without really taking away the chili dogs. So I'd put a rainbow salsa on my chili dog. I ate Greek yogurt with a rainbow of dried fruit, honey and oatmeal for breakfast. When I went to a party or a pot luck or a restaurant, I'd think rainbow. I still had a lot of "brown" food, but I was filling up with the rainbow. As time went on, the rainbow and white light food took a larger share of my menu. I was able to convert my family from white rice and pasta to whole grains. My family was a little put off by some of my attempts to add color, although in the end, the blue potatoes are very popular. And it's not that hard to chop peppers, onions, tomatoes, and corn and add them to salad, stew, chili, whatever.

I ate a white light protein at every meal.

Mostly. I'm addicted to Greek yogurt now, and add it to just about everything. We eat a lot of fish. I will eat chicken if I can find organic chicken. And we still eat beef and pork, but it is no longer assumed that that will be dinner. My husband and I try to take lunch to work which saves money and gives us more control. When we eat out, we think about what we want. It has been a lot easier to do this since Bob decided he needed to eat better...

Which leads us to another guideline: men are like raindrops & women are like snowflakes.

Bob has no problem dropping the bread and butter, and seems to be able to follow the doctor's vague guidelines and lose weight without trouble. I have thin friends who eat white bread and mayonnaise sandwiches. I followed the South Beach diet and gained 20 lbs. There are just too many variables, and so I had to learn not to look at others and what they eat, but think of what I need.

Moving on, I have learned to eat brown foods with awareness.

I still eat pasta, but not nearly as much and usually whole wheat. I've eaten whole grain bread since I was a kid, but now I aim for artisan bread. Go for the good stuff, if I'm going to eat it. Like blue potatoes and yellow tomatoes, my family has been bewildered by quinoa and other interesting grains, but they are troopers. And Joseph has a car and his own money.

Everyone needs a little sweetness and a little cushion.

When I was pregnant with Mark, I got a mild case of gestational diabetes. I didn't need to test my blood, but I saw a nutritionist who helped me plan my meals so the baby and I would both make it through the pregnancy in good health. One thing that she told me was that I could eat two pieces of fruit a day, but not first thing in the morning and always with protein. I relished those two pieces of fruit as if they were hot fudge sundaes. And now, although there are times when only a Snickers bar will do, I often get the sweet from fruits in yogurt or alone. And I know that the Snickers bar is ok too.

I learned to eat like a baby.

No, I don't eat mashed peas or spit my food at anyone. I have finger painted with food, but that was a little different. I eat when I'm hungry and not when the clock says to eat. I quit when I'm full. I resigned from the clean plate club, but I do try to only put a little on the plate at a time so I don't freak out my inner puritan by wasting food.

I try to eat as organically and locally as possible.

With so many things available year round, this is sometimes hard. Then I channel my mother and remember that out of season fruits and veggies don't taste as good and they are expensive. I do use frozen food and canned food with less salt. Living in SC, there are fresh fruits and veggies all year round, so we use those. This is a transitional thing for me. We're still working on it.

I've kept a diary, but I lie in it. And I'm very gentle with myself.

This is for the long haul.

What you eat is up to you.

This is the second guideline, but I left it for last because this has been the most recent understanding for me. I have eaten food I didn't like and that wasn't good for me because it was served. I have prepared or not prepared food because of the likes and dislikes of my husband and children rather than my own. I have eaten cheeseburgers because I don't want to hurt someones feelings. I have had "one more piece of pie" because I was told it would only go to waste.

And then (last month, I think) someone said, "you get to choose what you eat." And finally I heard it. And now I pass on the office donuts and say no thank you to the sausage biscuit I didn't ask for. I eat super salads and ignore the comments about how little I'm eating (really. Look at me. Am I starving?) I eat Snickers bars, too, when I want to. I eat what I want to eat and I don't apologize. Much. And I think this is what has helped me break through my emotional eating/ personality eating/ whatever eating. And now I eat because it is yummy (even if it doesn't make me wash my face with Dawn) and it is what my body needs right now.

http://eatingtheangelway.blogspot.com/

Eating... the Angel Way: Prizes! There will be prizes!

2011-02-27T12:23:00.000-08:00

Eating... the Angel Way: Prizes! There will be prizes!

Prizes are good, of course, but not as good as the intrinsic value of eating the angel way. At least that's what I tell my children.

Eating the Angel Way Guidelines

2011-02-25T04:55:00.000-08:00

http://eatingtheangelway.blogspot.com/p/10-angel-way-guidelines.html

Annie and Karen have listed the 10 etaw guidelines in a very convenient, clear list that you can print out for your refrigerator or wallet.

Today I am going to think about these things & it is to be hoped that my day won't suck as bad as they have been. I hope your day doesn't suck either.

Eating the Angel Way in times of stress

2011-01-18T05:24:00.000-08:00

Let's be real. When I am tired, when I have a pile of papers on my desk that all insist on immediate attention, when I have to talk to human beings more than once or twice a day, I am stressed. And when I am stressed and hungry, I don't think broiled fish with spinach & horseradish with brown rice. I think chili cheese dog. And then I feel yucky and stressed.

And we call that Tax Season.

As Annie, Karen, and other brilliant people have said, when you are stressed, you need a layer of comfort, and you need a little sweetness. But remember that a layer of comfort is not necessarily a pound of mashed potatoes and a little sweetness is not necessarily a pint of ice cream. And never mix them --- I learned that the hard way.

One thing I've gotten from Eating the Angel Way on a fairly regular basis is a new perspective. It's shifted my paradigm! (I haven't used that word this year, so I just threw it in.) Now, when I'm stressed and need a layer of comfort and sweetness, I often DO think of Greek yogurt with blueberries. And I savor it like those chicks on the TV ads who get paid to eat yogurt and look like they are having an orgasm. And I feel satisfied and NOT YUCKY. I get the layer of comfort without the layer of grease. What can I say?

I do keep Hershey's kisses in the office too. Sometimes I want a little milk chocolate, and since I've quit saying no to my ornery self, I've been able to eat one or two pieces rather than a whole bag. And believe it or not, there are days I don't eat any at all.

I feel better grounded in Eating the Angel Way right now, and I'm hoping that grounding will help me pick the right comfort and the right sweetness for me. And if that is occasionally a bowl of mashed potatoes topped with ice cream, then so be it. But only occasionally.

In search of Fortified Oat Flakes

2010-12-22T05:20:00.000-08:00

I bought a box of Kashi Heart to Heart with oat clusters and blueberries, even though I've never really liked Kashi. It's not that I'm doing a "I SHOULD eat this" thing. It's that I'm looking for cereal that tastes like Fortified Oat Flakes.

Many years ago, when I was about 12, I ate Fortified Oat Flakes every morning for a couple of years. I don't know why Mom bought it, maybe she was having a "I should eat this" thing. I think I was the only one who ate it... in the whole world. I loved it.

It was sort of nutty and chewy, although it was only flakes. No clusters, no dried fruit. If you left it in the milk, it would get nice and soggy. Just to prove it wasn't for babies, if you saved up box tops and mailed it in, you didn't get toys. I got a silver plated (looking?) pie cutter/server for my mom. Someone still has it. You'd never guess it came from box tops.

Then it just disappeared. This was before oat meal became a magic food, and I don't remember anyone talking about cholesterol. I suppose they might have, but I was 12. All I knew is that, like the Monkees, the Monster Squad, and all my favorite TV shows that got canceled, my cereal was popular only with me.

So now I am searching for the cereal. You'd think that now that oat is a magic bullet someone would pull out the old recipe. Without the clusters or dried fruit. I'll add my own.

The Kashi is pretty good, by the way, but it doesn't get soggy. SIGH.

Winter Rainbows

2010-11-22T12:51:00.000-08:00

I got really excited in the produce department the other day. Even though it's fall almost winter and it's actually been chilly, the produce department was a bright kaleidoscope of interesting fruits and vegetables.

I like the idea of winter vegetables more than the reality. I don't know what to do with some of these things. But they are pretty. And so last week, I decided to roast a bunch of pretty colored winter vegetables.

I got rutabaga (like, what's that about?), pumpkin (not in a can and not for decoration), acorn squash, and potatoes. But not just any potatoes. Purple, yellow, and red potatoes. OK, it's the purple ones that were really cool. I cut everything up into large chunks (not nearly as easy as cutting, say, broccoli), drizzled olive oil over the whole thing and baked it. I wasn't sure what to do to spice it up. I used cinnamon on the winter squashes and Italian seasoning on the potatoes and rutabagas. Everyone like it, pretty much. Although everyone agreed that as usual, I went over board.

Note to self: you don't have to eat a rainbow at every meal, just throughout the day.

Supper conversation goes like this:

Bob: Kathy, I appear to be eating a purple potato.

Me: Um, yeah. Do you like it?

Bob: It's a potato.

OK. That went well. I can't wait to try the purple cauliflower.

Starting Slowly

2010-11-02T14:22:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I was in a super-di-duperdy crappy mood. Given that, I think I did ok. At least I kept track of what I ate (start small, rule 1).

I started drinking coffee around 8 and kept going until about noon. Black, strong enough to fix itself.

10 am blueberry Greek yogurt. Yummy. It's so smooth it feels like ice cream. My grandson Gabe has decided he loves Greek yogurt too. I may be selfish, but I share that.

Around 12 I had brown rice/quinoa mix, pico de gallo (tomatoes, yellow onions, green peppers, cilantro, lime juice), shredded carrots, canned corn without added salt, tilapia with garlic and butter, cranberries. I bought all that stuff at the grocery store on the way to work and put it together. As I walk through the produce section I think about what I want. The cranberries were a neat touch.

2 pm I ate a piece of butterscotch candy.

I drank diet Coke all afternoon... well one bottle.

5pm at home. I ate two chocolate chip cookies.

6:30: spaghetti sauce (made with red, yellow, orange & green peppers) on white wheat bread with cheddar. I don't really like white bread, even the "whole grain" kind, but that's what was there.

And then I ate about an inch out of a pint of Karamel Sutra. At least I didn't eat the whole thing, and I do think that what I did eat made me feel better. Some.

TODAY:

coffee
10: Peach Greek yogurt
diet Coke
2pm: Wendys small cheese burger, four fries, small chili. My boss bought lunch. It was pretty good and not too much. A couple of fries go a long way. I waited too long to eat and I was too hungry.
5pm: two chocolate chip cookies. I'm still burping chili.

I'm going to my counselor at 6, and I may eat yogurt or soup after I get back.

I don't think I've left anything off.

I tried the meditation this afternoon. (It's on Eating the Angel Way.) I thought about being a baby and eating whatever was given me, not worrying about food choices. I don't think I went very far, but I started to sort of panic. I think I have food issues. (Ya think?) I'll try again later.

Eating... the Angel Way: Welcome!

2010-11-01T11:41:00.000-07:00

Eating... the Angel Way: Welcome!

Annie and Karen are writing a book about Eating... the Angel Way, and I have agreed to follow the guidelines and share my experiences.

Let me start by saying that I have been following the guidelines for several months now... in theory. Just like I'm thinking seriously about going to the gym I paid a boatload of money to join last July. And so, this is, for me, a restart sort of. I'm starting at the beginning... again. Isn't that cool?

Today, tomorrow, and the next day, I will keep track of my eating. I will probably follow the guidelines even though it's not part of the first step because I usually do when I actually write stuff down.

I'll say this is going to be interesting because I'm in a really really really crappy place right now and all I want to do is crawl in bed with a pint of Chunky Monkey and a large bag of peanut m&ms. I'm not going to do that because there are so damn many people in my house I'd probably have to share, so what's the point?

But Eating... the Angel Way is not something we can only do when we feel really perky. Right now, for me to acknowledge that I want the Chunky Monkey and peanut m&ms is a pretty good step, I think. I suppose I ought to think about what it is I really want. What food will make me feel really good. What things other than food can help me deal with my very very crappy mood. Maybe I should right a children's book: "Mommy is in a crappy mood and I better not eat her peanut M&Ms." I think that might help.

We'll see.

Hey look, I'm still alive!

2010-10-20T10:11:00.000-07:00

And still fat. Oh well. I'm eating better and betterer every day. Except today, when I ate a half of a steak, egg, and cheese biscuit while reading about my arteries clogging. That's why I only ate a half. Ick.

Fall is here, sort of, and that means the summer fruits and veggies are more expensive and shipped from Chile. Which is OK, I guess. I have nothing against canned or frozen food, although I have to check the salt in canned stuff. I love frozen berries. Throw 'em in a blender with yogurt and honey and you have a smoothie in a minute. Who knows the difference?

But fall does have it's own food, and I'm looking forward to that.

Fall is about orange and yellow and brown, have you noticed? I love winter squash, but I haven't done much with it because my family isn't a big fan base. Oh well. I think I'll try use more winter squash and see if I can convince them they like it.

There is a yard full of collards behind my office. I've been invited to go pick some, but I'm not sure how to pick it. I guess you sort of cut the bunch. I hate to say it, but I'll probably buy my greens at the store. They are cheap and I'm wearing high heels and hose.

I have actually lost a little weight this summer... about 10 lbs. We joined a gym in August. We actually went to it for a few weeks. I know, I know. We have to actually use it or the only weight we lose is in the wallet. I'm thinking maybe Friday. Or Monday. Definitely Monday.

Peace to all. Drink lots of water and wear warm socks.

Travel through food

2010-06-03T07:17:00.000-07:00

Today, I ate my first peach of the season. It wasn't quite ready to make me have an orgasm as I ate it over the sink, but it was pretty good. Now I am eating Greek yogurt with honey, nuts, and a rainbow of fresh fruit. I am pretending that I am in Marrakesh.

Unfortunately, I am not in Marrakesh, I am in my office and it's time to do some tax returns for people who procrastinate. And that's OK, because I still have my yogurt, honey, nuts and fruit.

Day two

2010-04-27T12:19:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was marvelous. I had two rainbows and not a lot of other crap to cloud it up. Lots of lean protein. I walked for half an hour with my husband... up hill all the way!!! (It just seemed that way. I'm in really bad shape.)

Today, I'm OK. I had fish, squash casserole, beets, and cabbage at Lizard's Thicket, which is as good as it gets there. I would have done better with the baked chicken, but I HATE baked chicken. I think I'll go with a very veggie salad tonight. I have a meeting, so I'll be eating later than I like.

The weather is beautiful... windy and warm. Not so hot & humid you can see fish in the air. There is no excuse not to walk around, even if it is all up hill.

Two days in a row! Woo-hoo!

No really, this time I mean it...

2010-04-24T05:48:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary:

This time I really am going to walk and lift weights and do yoga and eat nothing but delicious healthy food and loose 20 lbs before school is out...

Yeah right

Today read Kim's post about weight. I know she eats well, and much more healthily (is that the word?) than I do. I know she is more active. As she says, most people think she is a ball of energy. And yet, she thinks she needs to do something.... different.

Her post sort of solidified something I've been thinking about me. I talk a good game, but when it comes to actually eating well... not so much.

It's not that I don't eat vegetables and fruits, low fat dairy and high-fiber foods. I do. I don't eat a lot at one time. I almost always need a to-Joe* box.

It's just that every once in awhile (every other day or so... OK?) I eat something not so good: fried fish, a HUGE bowl of Breyers Ice Cream, a bag of crunchy Cheetos.

And when you consider that I'm 5'4" and as active as a pet rock, I really don't need many calories AT ALL.

As far as activity goes, I don't. I used to walk to USC (South Carolina) and back every weekday, about 2 miles plus all of the walking around a huge campus. I used to walk to and stumble from the bars in 5-pts, easily working off the beer I drank. Yesterday I opted out of walking less than a mile to a picnic where Bob was singing. He would have given me a ride home, too. It's not even hot yet... only in the high 80s. And then I wonder why I'm fat.

AND HERE WE HAVE IT: the plan.

Dear Diary:

Starting ~~today~~ ~~tomorrow~~ ~~next Monday~~ today (which is Saturday), I am going to pack really good food into my measly 1800 calorie requirement. I 'm going to walk, dance, garden, DO SOMETHING fun and active EVERY DAMN DAY even if it kills me.

But, of course, that isn't really a plan, it is a goal, and that has been my problem.

I have given lip service to Eating the Angel Way, but in fact, I haven't made any real effort to change my bad habits.

OK, Kath, here's the deal. Just because it's natural doesn't mean it's easy. Intuition takes hard work, especially in the beginning.

I need to figure out what works for me. Since I'm INTP, I tend to think too much, but maybe I can make that work. Recognize that I need a chart, a graph, a visual organizer.

That's cool, but don't spend so much time thinking and making pretty charts that you forget to eat and walk, K?

OK. I'll let you know what I figure out.

Embracing Health for Lent

2010-02-17T04:17:00.000-08:00

Sunday Father Paul's sermon was a primer on Lent. He suggested that Lent was a time of permission, an opportunity to do something different, to see things in a new way, to do or not do something the same. He said it was a time to change things, make a sacrifice or do something better, in order to get closer to God.

(On a side note, I'd like to commend Father Paul for preaching this entire sermon without using the word "paradigm.")

This morning, I realized that what I will do is embrace health.

I've had a headache and vague nausea for several days. Although I did leave early and take a small nap, I have worked long hours and done afterwork appointments. All the while telling everyone how miserable I am. Just so you'd know, y'know?

I have known for a very long time that I can make myself sick without too much trouble. If I worry about something, I can become violently ill in order to avoid it. If I am tired and stressed, I can get a full-blown migraine which gives me permission to lie down. I don't (usually) sit down and try to make myself sick, it just happens. If I say I can't do something because I'm sick, I'll be sick.

Now, I'm going to see if I can make myself well. The mind thing is all well and good, but I can't just think positive and feel great. (I can to some extent, I know.) Mostly, I am working long hours, I can't do things that I want to do, I have to do things I don't want to do, I have to be with human beings 12 or more hours a day. I am stressed. It's not going to change (because I choose to remain a tax accountant, mother, active church member, school supporter, etc.) for a couple of months. What can change are some actions on my part:

I'm going to quit saying, "I have a headache" everytime something comes up that frustrates me.
I'm going to eat good food and not rely on the ~~yummy~~ ~~delicious~~ greasy ~~but still yummy~~ fast food fix.
I'm going to take time to myself and actually walk rather than just talk about it. (Where did I put the walking shoes?)
I'm going to smile a calm serene smile all damn day long. And when I see someone, I'll brighten it. Even if I feel crappy, I can make someone else feel better.
I'm going to take my medicine every day. No more courting a stroke or heart attack. Embrace health.
I'm going to spend time just sitting and talking or playing games with my kids. Because I want to and not because Parker Brothers says we have to have a family game night.
I'm going to take time for myself to do whatever the hell I want, whether it's productive or stupid; meaningful or meaningless.

And in this way, I'm going to take care of myself and my world, so that I can clear the clutter and be closer to god.

God willing.

Eat food. Don't join a cult.

2010-01-20T14:02:00.000-08:00

I am not the "cult joining" type of person. I only joined the neighborhood association for the pot-luck lunch they hold once a year. Cults are way too close to being "stylish" although the style may be bizarre. I am not stylish.

I say this because I have been reading about Michael Pollan, and I pretty much like what I've read except the part about him having a "cult-like following."

Pollan says: Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.

I can go with that. I can almost go with the thing about not eating food your grandmother wouldn't recognize, except that my grandmothers and great grandmothers ate mostly potatoes, rudabagas, and Twinkies. I eat much more interesting foods than they did.

I do try to avoid food with an ingredient list that is: a) over an inch long and b) mostly in Latin or Greek. Unless it's a complicated Greek recipe. But you get the point.

I keep in mind Annie's observation: men are like raindrops and women are like snowflakes. It seems to me that any diet that involves cult-like following of rules, meal plans, or no-no lists is not going to work for the snowflakes. I'm not sure it works for the raindrops. (For the raindrops: give up bread or beer, whichever you like more. Don't ask me why, but it works for men.)

Right now, I am working not to stress as tax season begins. I am eating pretty well, which I hope will help me feel better. I am thinking about exercising. I am going to a yoga class tomorrow. Really.

But I continue to have a disfunctional relationship with food. I still get upset and eat a bag of cheetoes even though I know it will make me sick. I still eat too much, too many Little Debbies, too few plants. But I'm working on it.

It's in the stars

2010-01-14T04:29:00.000-08:00

My horoscope for today said that my physical and mental health were intertwined. It suggested I improve my eating and moving habits, while at the same time reducing stress at work. Then it suggested that I not try to do it all at once. And I thought...

OK.

So if I need to simultaneously improve my diet, my exercise, and my stress level without doing too much, what do I do?

I always do big things. I always plan a complete menu for a year before I start a d-word. I make charts and diagrams before I exercise. I don't know about reducing stress... I've never done that.

Sooooo... small steps. Today I will NOT go to Hardee's for an omelet biscuit and smothered country potatoes. In fact, yogurt and that dried fruit muesli I made might be good. For lunch, I'll probably get a decadent salad... yummy with lots of colors. I'll think about packing lunches later.

small steps... today I will walk around the yard once (unless I get really ticked and need to take another round.) I will order the pedometer recommended by my friend Margaret.

small steps... today I will not let things piss me off because I can't control them. Things will work out. I will enroll in the City Yoga class for next Thursday for me, Katy and maybe Ellen. Then Katy & I will buy cute yoga clothes and a mat for her. (My mat has been sitting in the closet for about six months, when I bought cute clothes, some Pilate equipment and a CD.)

small steps.

Thanksgiving Post-Mortem

2009-11-30T04:50:00.000-08:00

We had a great two day Thanksgiving. Thursday we went to my husband's parents' house. There were lots of people including my SIL's parents & my other SIL's ex-husband/current friend's sister and her daughter. There was a hodgepodge of food, both traditional and new. My SIL made Swedish apple pie, which was different and delicious. The daughter of the sister of the SIL's ex brought a salad made with pomegranates, coconut, corn, and celery that was really good. The cranberry casserole was exceptional.

I wished that I had taken the left-over cranberry casserole home. BECAUSE, I forgot to make cranberry sauce for the Friday celebration at my brother's house.

No one, except me, really LIKES cranberry sauce, but it is a tradition. Like collards on New Years, everyone takes at least a teaspoon of sauce. I mean nothing says "Plymouth Rock" like cranberries.

My brother spent one Thanksgiving in France. He and his American friends tried to put together a traditional Thanksgiving meal, and they discovered just how American the food is. I don't remember a lot of details, I think they used croutons to make stuffing for the chicken (no turkey.) I'll have to ask him to tell the story again. Anyway, they could not find cranberries. And this made them sad. Even though none of them really like cranberry sauce.

I make cranberry sauce with fresh cranberries and orange juice. I boil them until the cranberries pop. It gels all by itself. This is "the old way." A few years before she died, Mom decided to try a new recipe in which she put cranberries and orange peel in a food processor. I hated it, but she made it. When she died, I made the kind I like, and Dad said, "this isn't the right way to make cranberry sauce." Maybe that's why I forgot this year. Or maybe I was just overwhelmed. Who knows?

So other than the cranberry sauce debacle, I had a great Thanksgiving. I did not eat too much, even though it is true I will not get this food again for another year. I had a tablespoon of everything, and it was a gracious plenty.

Who says you can't eat well during the holidays? Although... there are those Christmas cookies calling my name.

Goodness, it's been awhile...

2009-11-04T11:32:00.000-08:00

...since I've written anything in this blog. I'd love to say I've been eating tons of rainbows and lean protein, exercising regularly, and meditating every chance I get. But no, that would not be true.

This week, however, I am eating tons of rainbows. My exercise is limited to getting out of bed and meditation looks a lot like sleeping. But let's stick to the good stuff:

Lack of money, lack of energy, and lack of creativity have led me to eat the same lovely super rainbow salad for lunch every day this week. I am not complaining. It is a mixture of romaine and radicchio with a handful of broccoli, red cabbage & carrot slaw thrown on top. I've added red, yellow, and green peppers & ~~weird~~ interesting toppings like walnuts, dried cranberries, sunflower seeds, and these sesame things on top. The dressing is orange something. Oh, yeah, chopped baked chicken pieces. It's great.

I've also been eating strawberry or blueberry Greek yogurt, because I like it.

I had a sleep study on Sunday night, and I hope to find out if I have sleep apnea or some other easy to treat disorder that is causing me to lose sleep which causes me to be tired, grumpy, fat, and wrinkly. (I'm sure I read somewhere that sleep apnea causes wrinkles. I'm really counting on treatment making me look like I did at 20 --- without the zits. Or the dazed expression.)

My darling husband went to the doctor a while back and the doc said, "Eat less bread and walk 30 minutes a day." He has been doing that (is that a man thing or what?) and has lost about 10-15 lbs (that is a man thing, I know.) I'd like to say I'm inspired by his dedication, but I'm only irritated. I need to get moving, or he'll weigh less than I do. And since he's six inches taller than I am, that would really really suck.

Eating well is the best revenge

2009-08-13T04:49:00.000-07:00

We are trying to coordinate the meals, but right now it is playing out that no one is cooking. My son & DIL made sloppy joes at 3 pm, before we got home from work. Bob cooked Bangquet pot pies for us. Mark ate some sloppy joes and a sandwich.

I made a list of a bunch of main dishes & passed it around. I asked them to write "will eat" "won't eat" "will cook" and to come up with more ideas. The list is in the pipeline.

The bottom line is my bottom line... and my youngest son's healthy eating choices. Even if the rest of the adults choose to ignore our plea, we are going to reclaim the rainbow. I hope they join us. I am sorry they are angry. I want my freaking house back.

Sorry... can't imagine where that came from. Oh well.

Family Style Dining

2009-08-11T03:20:00.000-07:00

How do you eat well when you are concerned not only with your own nutritional needs and tastes, but the rest of the family as well?

I have a particularly difficult situation right now. My son and daughter-in-love and their two very small children are living with us. In addition, we have a 20 year old and an 11 year old. Add my husband and me, and eight is more than enough.

Even a family with only relatively small children will have food issues. Unless you are a follower of the "I cook it, you eat it" school, you try to factor in various tastes and needs in planning meals. My sister-in-law berated a niece for not eating her cucumbers, acting as if a diet without cucumbers would be fatal. Ironically, when the little girl left the room, SIL said, "I don't eat cucumbers." I say "ironically," be she said it without irony.

As we know, vegetables are important. A nice mix of colorful (did I hear rainbow?) vegetables and fruits is important to eating well. Fortunately, there are lots and lots of fruits and vegetables, so you do not have to eat your spinach unless you want to.

I often hear parents lamenting that their child eats nothing but Lima beans and mac & cheese. I smile and say, I remember that phase. For my children it came right before they discovered salmon steaks and raspberry vinaigrette. My oldest was 10.

Salmon steaks were saved for Grandma's house, but our kids helped pick & prepare the meals at our house. We weren't always consistent & we ate a lot of tacos & spaghetti, but they learned how and why to choose a balanced, interesting diet.

One thing I have done well is to help my children become good eaters. They will try new things, they like variety, they cook, they eat their vegetables. We have done this by never forcing them to eat anything and never engaging in food battles. We offer a variety of food. We try to make healthier choices even though we can't afford the salmon steaks. My children often make better choices than I do. At least they are not prisoners of food like I have been.

So rule number 1: No food fights.
Rule number 2: Model good choices.
Rule number 3: Let your children participate in choice & preparation of the food.

But add new adults into the mix. I love my DOL, but her food culture is not mine. She eats very few vegetables and she fries just about everything. She won't eat a sandwich or a salad. A meal, breakfast lunch or dinner, is a huge undertaking. Every meal is Sunday dinner. I have never seen this much meat in my life.

As we tip-toe around each other, trying not to offend, we end up with hurt feelings and a lack of satisfaction in body and spirit. I know this, but I hate to talk about things. However, something has to give.

I don't want to force her to eat like I do, but I cannot eat like she does. I am overweight and have high blood pressure. I'm very sorry, but I can't eat the fried fish or chicken, the ham soup, the hamburger helper. I can't eat a meal with an ingredient list that starts with "sodium" and then goes on for an inch and a half in Latin.

How do I say this without sounding like a food snob or a whiner? How do I insist on my choices without turning dinner into a food fight or at least a very cold war?

This is where knowing and doing separate. Like food and activity choices, I know what I need to do. I don't know how to take the step... to actually do it. And this is where I really need god & all the angels.

Another leaf another page another day

2009-08-07T10:42:00.000-07:00

It's been a very long time since I've written, I know. You can look at my other blog & I'll explain my Facebook Farm Town addiction. I'd like to say I've been really good about eating well and exercising, but no... it's been spotty at best.

I have been eating a lighter lunch so that I don't feel like taking a nap in the afternoon. Well, I still want to nap, but it's not quite as bad. With fresh tomatoes in the garden, it's not hard to choose cheese and tomato on whole wheat flat bread instead of a Hardee's burger. I have pretty much gotten over fast food. And except for a birthday dinner at Applebee's where I managed to get the worst meal possible, I've made good choices in restaurants.

My new goal is to have Michelle Obama's arms. I'm hoping the Secret Service will understand. Arms are actually one of the easiest areas to tone up because the problem is more about flab than fat. At least, for now. My chicken wings haven't gotten to the full bat wings yet.

And to that goal, I bought (you knew that was coming) an exercise mat, an 8-lb. ball, a pilates miracle ring (think Suzanne Sommers), and this weird pilates contraption with a bar and some elastic bands.

And starting today (or tomorrow) I am going to use these things every other day.

AND I am going to walk every single damn day.

And I am going to eat at least a rainbow a day, and it won't be all fried. (Although I can't promise to completely forgo fried okra and fried squash.)

And that is all I have to say about that right now.

Reality Check

2009-07-16T04:53:00.000-07:00

After complaining, sort of, about not losing weight, I decided to give myself a reality check.

Although I know the benefit of listing what you eat, at least in the beginning, I really suck at it. I think it may be that I don't want to face the music. And let's be real: if you eat two rainbows, two chili dogs, chicken nuggets, a half a bag of Doritos, and a bowl of ice cream, you are eating TOO MUCH. In fact, two rainbows can be too much if that rainbow includes a pint or two of each fruit. What did we say about moderation?

For today, tomorrow, and Saturday, I am going to write down everything I eat, including portions. I am going to put that list on an Excel spreadsheet (because that's the kind of person I am) and analyze, examine, and observe what, when, why and how I am eating.

Three days is probably not enough time, but that's too bad. Because I know I won't be able to keep it up longer than that.

In addition, I am going to take my medicine like I'm supposed to & move more. I'll see about the yoga class today.

This is my time to think.

Rainbow update

2009-07-15T04:43:00.000-07:00

It is not hard to eat a rainbow or two a day in South Carolina in the summer. I think I've said that before. Many days I'll have a complete rainbow in fruits and another in vegetables. The blueberries are particularly good.

I brought home about two dozen tomatoes from my boss's office garden yesterday, and I'm trying to decide what to do with them. Salad and sandwiches of course. I thought about a tomato pie or a tomato sauce. Salsa, maybe. I have okra too, so I could make stewed tomatoes and okra if anyone would eat that other than me. Maybe I'll make gumbo.

I go about my life, eating rainbows and avoiding some of the things that don't make me feel good in the long run (although in the short run, they make me very happy.) I am not losing weight, though. I'm not sure whether it's padding to deal with stress or just stubborn fat.

I do know this: I need to move more. Yeah, it's 99 degrees in the shade at 8 am, but I need to get more activity in my life. That's where I'm going to put my efforts for now. Maybe I can dance with the babies. Or by myself. I'm not proud.

We'll see.

Fresh tomatoes and Havarti cheese

2009-07-09T05:08:00.000-07:00

I am almost a vegetarian these days. Not on purpose, because I do like meat, but because that's not what I feel like eating these days.

I am eating a lot of lower fat dairy products. Skim milk, cheese (Havarti is my favorite at the moment), Greek yogurt (thank you Piggly Wiggly), cottage cheese. I had shrimp left overs, and I'm hoping that won't come back to haunt me later today. When in doubt, throw it out. But it's hard to throw out shrimp salad.

The tomatoes in my garden may be ready as we speak. If not, there will be a couple by this afternoon. We've had heavy rains for the last couple of days, and that is a good thing in the summer in South Carolina. Yesterday, I picked a half dozen tomatoes from the garden at work and used one to make a tomato and cheese on whole wheat Nan sandwich. It was yummy and so messy that I used eight of the cheap napkins.

It looks like it will rain all day today. I wonder what rainbows this will bring?

Moderation noun

2009-07-08T04:24:00.000-07:00

My son said that when he's under stress he doesn't eat. I know a lot of people like that. Skinny people.

When I am under stress, I eat, but only stuff that is really yucky. OK, I did eat peach ice cream with homemade apricot jelly on it, but that is as close to a wise choice as I got. I am still dutifully logging my shredded iceberg lettuce and tomatoes. At least the tomatoes are good this time of year.

In what is to me an AHA! moment and to most everyone on the planet a DUH? moment, I realized I need to quit buying or allowing my shoppers to buy the chips and the cookies and the cheese nips. None of us need that and I can't refuse it if it's here.

This is the problem (mentally):

I don't believe in BAD food, and if a food is labeled BAD, I crave it.
I know that some foods are poor choices. Foods with more than two inches of ingredients, most of which are in Latin, for instance. Anything with the first ingredient "sodium" something. Processed cheese-type food.
I know that even good things should be enjoyed in moderation.
I don't know the meaning of the word moderation.

And so, let us think, think, think (sorry Blues Clues overdose):

mod·era·tion (mäd′ər ā′s̸hən) noun

a moderating, or bringing within bounds
avoidance of excesses or extremes
absence of violence; calmness moderation

Synonyms Restraint, toleration, steadiness, sobriety, coolness, the golden mean, temperateness, quiet, temperance, lenity, patience, sedation, fairness, justice, constraint, forbearance, reasonableness, dispassionateness, poise, balance; see also restraint 1.

Those things do sound peaceful, don't they?

They are words which represent ideals that I believe I value, but which our society often perceives as weak, boring, sedate (that's one of the words, isn't it?)

I feel as if I am arguing with myself. A younger self who wanted to save the world and fight every fight and eat every sandwich and who was very passionate about everything from love to war to a large plate of pasta.

Now, I just want a peaceful place. In my head, in my heart, in my home. I'll stand up for what is right and help people when I can, but from a quiet place. A place of patience, constraint, tolerance, poise, balance, and fairness. An infinitely stronger place than the battlefield.

But then I wonder if I have just gotten old and tired instead of wise. The hurricane still rages. Even when I find the quiet place in the eye, I can hear the winds.

Ever have a blog entry get away from you? Oh well.

Red food

2009-07-02T05:51:00.001-07:00

I am in serious need of some red food. I'm not sure how that fits in the chakra --- the base? I guess my foundations need shoring up.

There is a watermelon in a cooler at home and it is calling my name. The strawberries are pretty and sweet. "Stawbeh" is baby Gabe's second favorite fruit, after "Nana." And now that I think of it, I'll bet there's a tomato in the garden behind my office...

All of that sweet fruit (yes, tomatoes are fruit). Outdoor food... the kind you eat in a chair with your face leaning forward over your lap so you only get the juice on your face and arms and neck and not your cute white summer shorts. Just rub the dirt off the tomato and bite into it. Share the drippings with the ants... Pop the strawberries in your mouth and chew as the juice drips out. Are we filming the vampire movie yet? Sweet and wet and better than juicy juice.

Man I need some red food.

Don't go to the grocery store hungry

2009-06-30T09:27:00.000-07:00

DUH. We all know that. And yet we still go to the store with our well-planned list and a growly stomach. We buy everything on the list and a couple of Snickers bars for the ride home, plus who knows what else that might taste good if you haven't eaten in a week.

This noon, I went to the store to get something for lunch. I wanted veggies. I wanted something easy that I can microwave and eat. I wanted something that won't make me want a nap. And look: chicken tenders from the deli department, a "steamer" bag of rice with brocolli and carrot dust, AND a bag of dark chocolate & almond candy bars & a Snickers bar for the ride back to work. I suppose it could have been worse.

In other news... a while ago Annie asked me to write about my experiences with Eating the Angel Way so she can pull snippets for her book. I am working on it, trying to be brief, concise, and specific, and god forbid, organized.

What I have been thinking about is:

how the eating a rainbow a day resonated with me. It is simple and elegant. And I do love colors. My mom often color coordinated meals. Even now I tend to serve orange and dark green veggies with curry. Maybe I need to be a little more daring.

how after years of spiral dieting, I don't even say the word any more. I don't mean to criticize anyone else dieting, but when I hear the word I get hungry. And not hungry for tomatoes and cheese on wheat bread, but for a pint of Ben & Jerry's Karmel Sutra ice cream.

how in the years of spiral dieting I lost weight but gained back twice as much. I started out as a "plump" girl and now I'm a fat old woman. I don't even think I was really plump. I had breasts at a fairly young age for back then, & so I was rounder than the skinny girls. What an idiot! Oh well, that's the past.

how hard it is to find blue food. I keep finding more: blueberries, raddichio, purple cabbage, purple plums, eggplant...

how I worried in the beginning that I was just checking off the rainbow without "getting" the angel way of eating. For one thing, I often eat a rainbow plus a chili cheese dog and fries. And I hear the demons whispering that anything called a "ho-ho" has to be good. But I think I am hearing something else more and more. My own angels, my heart, my sense of self. Something is leading me toward better choices for myself and not so I'll wow them at my 35th high school reunion. And something is helping me to forgive myself for the Snickers and the chili cheese dog.

For more about Eating the Angel Way from the person who listened to the angels and from her scientifically grounded research assistant, check out Eating...the angel way.

Intentions for a good week

2009-06-29T04:17:00.000-07:00

After a fairly colorful weekend, I am about to go back to work after a week off. I'm thinking chocolate chip cookies, but no...

Yesterday I had almost two rainbows again, coming up short on the yellow & Biv and going strong with the green, orange, and red. I nibbled grapes, tomatoes, and carrots all day long. I had an omelet with tomatoes, carrots, squash, & zucchini for breakfast and a salad with every color except yellow with supper.

Eating at work is easier for me than for some people, since I have a kitchen. I'll take the leftover veggies, rice, and tzatziki sauce and some of the salad for lunch. I don't want to be tempted to run to Hardee's for a little thickburger that will make me a little thick worker.

My intentions for this week are to eat at least one rainbow a day and choose food that makes me feel energized and not run down. I intend to eat local as much as possible and to eat fresh, even if I have to cook. I will move every day... walking, heavy cleaning, dancing, or chasing Gabe. Something.

One step forward, two steps back

2009-06-28T04:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I started the day with a rainbow: cottage cheese with red strawberry, orange nectarine, yellow banana, green grapes, and purple plum. It was delicious and kept me happy for most of the day.

I had bits of fruit and veggies through out the day. If I keep them ready and on the top shelf of the refrigerator, I eat them.

For dinner I had chicken with tzatziki sauce, modified from a recipe I got at Cinnamon, Spice, & Everything Nice. Since I didn't want to go shopping again, I served it over rice instead of in a pita. And I broiled it in the oven, along with squash. The sauce is great, and is now my official salad dressing. It has cucumbers and Greek yogurt, so my dressing has protein. YAY! The salad was grape tomatoes, shredded carrots, romaine lettuce, green pepper, cucumber, radicchio. (Yellow from squash --- another rainbow plus lots of green.)

I fixed my plate and ate half of it. I was feeling smug right up to the point I took a box of cookies to bed with me. Don't ask me what that's about. I haven't figured it out yet.

I have to remember that it's not just eating a rainbow. That's step one. I also have to choose good protein and not choose the crappy brown stuff. I mean, the cookies weren't even homemade. What happened to don't eat anything that doesn't taste really good?

Oh Well.

Today I try again, and it should be easier since I finished the cookies and the ice cream. (Forgot to mention the ice cream.) I may walk a little this morning. It's only about 95 now. Moving on... moving on...

Eureka

2009-06-27T06:27:00.000-07:00

Although my husband still makes fun of eating the angel way, offering me Skittles and going into what he thinks are extremely amusing monologues about chicken being white and beef being red, he is caught.

"Here, eat this, it's blue," he'll say, passing me some radicchio from his salad.

"What color are the garbanzo beans?"

"Did you see the orange carrots?"

My whole family is now searching for colorful fruits and veggies to fill out my plate, and in the process, their own.

Bob has come a long way from the day he poked around a cheese & pasta dish I'd made searching for the meat. He will eat almost anything once. As he got older and since he quit smoking, he can't eat an entire fried chicken by himself. He wants lean meat, fresh veggies, and as little bread as possible. He no longer rebels at the sight of whole wheat pasta or brown rice, as long as it's suffocated by good low-fat (not no-fat) sauces, spices, and herbs.

I cannot stand to have people watching what I eat, but there is nothing better than having a partner in health.

Funeral food

2009-06-19T07:55:00.000-07:00

Last night, we went to a funeral and to the supper afterward. The supper was put together by church ladies, and I must say, I love me some church-lady food.

As Bob and I sat down with our groaning plates, Bob grinned at me and said, "Did you see any blue food?" I said, no, but I think I got some of everything else. I realized later that there was no orange food either (unless there were shredded carrots in the chicken casserole).

There was plenty of green --- zucchini, cucumbers, broccoli, green beans, black eyed peas with asparagus --- for the heart. Some of the prettiest red tomatoes, home grown with care. But mostly, yellow food.

They had a whole lot of yellow food. Is it the time of year, or do yellow foods comfort people in time of sorrow?

Sweet corn, squash casserole, squash with zucchini & tomatoes in a vinegar dressing, pineapple congealed salad. I don't usually eat congealed salads, but the lady who made it was standing there, so I had some. It was delicious! I think it had whipped topping stirred in it. I didn't even look at the cakes after this wonderful dessert/salad!

There is something special about funeral food. Cooked by ladies in the church or friends of the family, it is made with the intention of love and comfort for people they don't necessarily know. Whether it is the fried chicken or the rice and sausage or the zucchini/squash/tomato/cucumber salad, it is truly food from the angels. How can it be anything else when it's prepared with so much kindness?

Progress

2009-06-17T09:35:00.000-07:00

I'm getting a handle on the to-do list and I haven't had a blow-out since Sunday night. Well, not a big one. I accidentally left the air-conditioner on all night at work, so it's actually cool enough for me. Oops.

Today, so far, I've had strawberries and peaches with cottage cheese, coffee; a redo of the sandwich from yesterday with the hummus and carrots on the side instead of in the sandwich. That's three red, two orange, and a green (I think --- from the hummus.) Lots of good protein.

And now I face the afternoon without that bloated need-a-nap feeling lunch often gives me. Wish me luck. I may even take a walk. Or not.

Comfort food

2009-06-16T14:49:00.000-07:00

I am sort of stressing right now. There are a lot of things, many of which aren't really about me. I'm one of those people who stresses more if it isn't really my problem and I can't do anything to fix it. Give me a real crisis and I will be calm and efficient until it's over. Then I'll fall apart.

One of the things that's making me crazy and making it harder for me to cope is that I'm having hot freaking flashes all the damn time. I know, how can you tell in South Carolina in June? I can tell, and so will my husband when he sees the $500 electric bill. (I hope I'm kidding. But let me just turn up the air conditioner.)

So what does this have to do with my eating and exercising? Oh be real. Who eats a nice fresh salad with lots of pretty vegetables and a yogurt-cucumber dressing when she talks to her children about their life plans or lack thereof? Will a rice pilaf really help a daughter-in-law cope with the grief of losing her father? Can I worry about my total lack of money while eating dried rainbow muesli on yogurt?

Well, now that I put it that way, those things sound kind of yummy. But when I'm at work trying to finish up everything plus the three emergencies so that I can get out of town on Thursday afternoon, I don't think salad. I think bread. And cheese. And meat. And sugar.

I have heard from sources I trust that sometimes we need the comfort food to get us through the day or week or month. As one brilliant woman said, "you need the padding," to protect you from trauma.

For me, comfort food involves what Annie & the angels call brown food. Macaroni and cheese casserole (the kind with eggs and maybe bread crumbs.) Grilled cheese sandwiches. Ice cream and cookies. I think that comfort food in ingrained in your culture and your childhood. It's not necessarily what your mom or dad made (because my mom never made the mac and cheese with eggs), but it's what your mind thinks makes you feel better.

And so, in furthering my efforts to eat like an angel, I am not giving up comfort food. I am not kicking myself for bad choices. However, I am trying to make less bad choices that still meet the need of the small child who wants to get under a blanket and eat M&M's all day. It's not as hard as I thought it would be.

Today, I picked up bread and cheese (a whole wheat nan & sliced Havarti). Then I added a SC tomato that should have been eaten over the sink, some roast beef, horse radish sauce, and a weird southwestern vegetable hummus I found. That was a mess of a sandwich, and it made me feel really good. Full in body and spirit. As an added bonus, I didn't feel the need to shower in Dawn afterwards. I was able to work all afternoon without needing a nap.

This is my intention: when I want comfort, I'll think of the easy lunch I had today.

And, now, I think I'll look up some rice pilaf recipes. Rice is a comfort food....

To eat a peach

2009-06-12T02:24:00.000-07:00

When T. S. Eliot wondered if he dare to eat a peach, he did not live in SC and it was not June. I know this because, no matter how off your digestive system is, a fully ripe SC peach is worth it.

To enjoy a fully ripe SC peach is a full-sensory experience.

It starts with the color of the peach: creamy yellow to dark orangy-red with what the fashion industry calls peach in the middle. The peach is not a ball; it is off-center, with a ridge along the edge and a pointy end that is almost erotic. Well, Georgia O'Keeffe should have painted peaches.. that's all I'm saying.

And then, you pick it up and feel the soft, slightly fuzzy skin. It's fuzzy like soft velvet, not like bunny slippers. It's soft but firm --- if it's soft and mushy, make ice cream. It will still be good.

Next, put the peach to your nose and inhale gently. If you think you might faint from the joy of it, it's ready to eat. Although I've never been asked to leave the produce department while choosing peaches, I have gotten some looks. And more than one person has said, "I'll have what she's having."

It is now time to eat the peach. You can cut it up, mix it with other fruit, make peach cobbler or peach pie or peach ice cream.

Or you can stand over the sink (this is important) and bite into it. The soft inner fruit melt into your mouth in shades of yellow, orange and red. The sweetness explodes, the juices flow, the world is a better place.

Rinse, repeat, until you understand what T. S. Eliot was worried about, but you think, "Man, that was worth it."

June Rainbow Challenge

2009-06-06T04:08:00.001-07:00

Annie has issued a challenge for June:

June Rainbow Challenge how many can YOU eat? here in the northern hemisphere, summer's bounty is beginning. the Angels suggest (and i challenge) everyone to see how many complete rainbows (at least one serving each of a red, orange, yellow, green and blue/purple food) we can all eat in a day. the most i've ever done managed is three - and that includes herbs, spices and teas. send me a note or drop me a comment and let me know you want to play. then, just keep track of how many rainbows you're eating. at the end of the month, the person with the most rainbows will win an Angel-approved prize! happy eating!

I have spent the first week of June at the beach in Hilton Head, SC. Although I have eaten lots and lots of fruit and even a couple of veggies, I didn't really keep track for the first couple of days. And with the challenge of feeding a condo full of people with divergent tastes (10 including two babies), I haven't been able to eat my favorites. It's one thing to fix my husband and two at home sons steamed squash, zucchini, carrots, & onions every other day, but when we add my Dad, niece, other son & daughter-in-law --- well, what can I say? And I didn't want to try to cook too much this vacation.

Toward that goal, we loaded up on fruits which we set out on the counter. Of course we had Romaine lettuce and tomato for the deli sandwiches. We added a little corn on the cob, green beans, new potatoes, and broccoli. I guess it wasn't a complete desert.

And no one can complain about the activity and communing with nature. The kids went from the pool to the beach and back all day long. Bob and I enjoyed a couple of long walks on the beach, with and without the children. I built two sand castles. They weren't record setters, but the were there.

So for this whole week, I think I've had six rainbows. They were mostly fruit, but who's complaining?

A lesson from a stray cat

2009-05-24T05:42:00.000-07:00

I once had a cat named Chigger who my mother had rescued from the Rottweiler next door. Chigger was a ginger tabby with a sweet disposition. You wouldn't know he'd been on his own. Unless you left a plastic bag of something on the table.

Chigger would chew through plastic anything and at least try what was inside. It took me a few days to realize that I couldn't leave bread on the counter unless I wanted several cat sized bites take out of various parts of the loaf. He always made several tries at it, as if he thought a different portion would taste better.

On day I received a silk sweater in the mail... I'd ordered it for my aunt for Christmas. I laid it on the table, still wrapped in the plastic in which it had been shipped. I came home from work and... yes.. Chigger had eaten it. Not all of it, just three or four holes to see if maybe the sleeve tasted better than the cowl.

Now, what lesson did I learn, other than "Put away your stuff?"

I learned what happens when a creature is denied food even for a little while as a young kitten. Chigger had learned that food comes in plastic, mostly garbage bags. And even though he had a bowl of cat food that was always full, he still went after anything in plastic. As god as his witness, he would never go hungry again. (He would eat turnips, though.)

I have been thinking about Chigger recently, in different contexts, in different ways. When I read today's post on Eating the Angel Way, I thought about him again and it sort of came together.

Annie writes:

it took me a few tries to stop wanting to eat a plateful of potatoes, but there
came a point when, as i was putting them on my plate, i actually paused and
remembered how stuffed i started to feel after eating about half of my usual
portion size. and then a minor miracle happened - for me anyway - i CHOSE of my
own volition to put a reasonably-sized "serving size" portion - on my plate of a
food that previously the only way i could control myself with it was to deny
myself. the Angels had helped me to learn what my body felt like when IT had
"enough" and i was able to choose THAT feeling over the less-healthy one, not
because anyone told me i had to - but because i liked it. and i was satisfied
with it.. and, what was even more of a miracle - i didn't go back for
seconds.

It occurred to me that when I serve myself a reasonable "serving" with the intent of EATING RIGHT, I don't think of what I have, I think of what I don't have. I think of all of that wonderful food that someone else will eat if I don't get it first. I have never every been starving (except for the colonoscopy preps & a couple of fad diets). I can afford to buy just about anything I want (as long as I continue not to want truffles & caviar). The food will be there when I want it. So what's this about?

I'll think on that awhile.

Never say diet

2009-05-21T16:06:00.000-07:00

I've heard from ~~lots of people~~ ~~dozens of people~~ a couple of people who have mentioned their Diets. I don't like to use that word, except in a very generic way or in relation to Diet Coke. Why? Because whenever I hear or read the word Diet, I get hungry.

I may have mentioned this... but I once worked with a woman who went on a medifast type diet. She bought $300 worth of shakes and bars and other really yucky looking stuff. She ate that at work. I felt compelled to make up for the imbalance in the food vortex by eating chili cheese dogs with extra onions. I don't know if she lost weight (other than from her wallet) but I gained weight. I was sort of pissed at myself, too, because I'd lost 20 lbs by eating mindfully and asking myself, "Do you really want the chili cheese dog with extra onions? Does it want you? OK, then, do you really want TWO?"

To all dieters (and to paraphrase Leonard Cohen, who was not talking about dieting): I've been where you're hanging and think I can see how you're pinned. I have Dieted. I have lost and I have regained. I have even fasted for very short periods of time (not counting the colonoscopy prep).

I was first told I was fat when I was about 6. I think the word was "baby fat" but let me tell you a secret. I wasn't fat. I wasn't even chubby. When I think about this now, I'm pissed off even more. Too bad being ticked doesn't use that many calories.

When I was in middle school, a time full of memories I had mostly repressed, my friend told me that fat girls like us shouldn't wear our shirts tucked in. Even though I knew she wasn't fat (maybe a little square shaped), I bought it and wore my shirt out for the next ... oh twenty years. I also wore those horrible smock things that were so popular in the mid-70s middle school crowd (along with "wings" in the hair). Who doesn't look fat in that?

I went through school thinking of myself as fat. After all, I couldn't see my feet. Of course, that might have been because I had breasts. I'm wondering if that might have had something to do with why my mom and my friends suggested I wear mumus. Hmmmm...

My parents often dieted, although I wasn't sure why Mom thought she needed to lose weight, and Dad seemed to gain weight when he dieted. I remember the weight charts on the wall of the bathroom. (See where I got my love of charts & other visual aids?) Dieting was what you did.

I remember my first diet book: Susan Dey writing about how she went from being a chubby kid to a svelte star of the Partridge Family. I followed her plan, although I can't remember what it was. I'm sure it involved salads with no dressing and dry toast. I shudder to think.

I tried the Woman Doctor's diet for Women. That was harsh. She seemed to believe that women are just fat sponges and the only way to defeat that is to avoid any food that tastes good. I did learn something from that book. Women and men are different (duh, they say, that explains the three children). No really... as Annie discusses in her post men are like raindrops, women are like snowflakes, men and women gain and lose weight differently. It took me awhile to figure out the part about how each woman gains and loses differently.

Although that plan was very restrictive, it was probably better than some of the other ones I've done.

The grapefruit diet (self-explanatory)
The dead doctor diet (Scarsdale diet, right after he'd been shot by his mistress the school mistress. Very specific diet and if she was on it, it explains her rage.)
Low carb when low carb wasn't cool. (Think "all the cool whip you can eat.")
Low carb when it was cool. I gained 10 lbs on the South Beach diet.
The Duke rice diet (not at Duke.)
The eat-one-lean-cuisine a day, ride an exercise bike for an hour a day and then go to Group Therapy and drink lots and lots of light beer until closing. I lost a good bit of weight on this one, but the side effects were unpleasant. I don't really remember them, but some people have pictures.

So now I try to learn the lessons of years of dieting.

This, I know:

I can only lose weight for myself.
If I lose weight, I won't suddenly be an extrovert, an organized person, or a ballerina.
If something is forbidden, I WANT IT!
Starving isn't pretty.
There are no bad foods. There are some not so hot foods.
I don't want to waste calories on food I don't like.
I don't want to eat food that makes me feel like taking a shower afterwards.
I LIKE fruits and veggies.
Eat your dessert first, if that's what you want.
Enjoy every sandwich.

Sunday

2009-05-17T04:57:00.001-07:00

Sunday is grocery store day. If I go from 10:30 to 12:30, I can miss the church-goers and the people who don't go out Sunday morning because they don't want to admit they don't go to church. It's a really quiet time around here.

In order to do that, I need to plan my food-week.

I go back and forth on the plan the food week thing. Sometimes I get the whole family together and we brainstorm meal plans and make a week-long list. We have a fridge full of food, a menu for the week, a work schedule.. all pretty and color coded on a calendar. (I do love a color coded calendar.) Then Monday will come and one of us will say, "I really don't feel like tacos today." And the whole menu falls apart. I end up with a refrigerator full of mushy veggies.

My other food plan theory is to decide what to make in the afternoon & run by the store & the produce stand on the way home. Sometimes I go to the produce stand for inspiration. But then there are the days I don't feel like pulling off the road on the way home from work. Those are usually Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. And so the family sticks its collective head in the freezer and we eat frozen burritos, chicken nuggets, and mac & cheese.

The food plan that works best is in the middle. I buy Tyson grilled chicken strips, burritos, & hamburger for the freezer. I keep canned tuna and chicken on hand. I have frozen veggies and canned veggies. I have cheese, sour cream, yogurt & salad dressings. And of course, pasta, rice, couscous & bread.

Then I plan regular meal ideas & pick up the fresh stuff every other day or so. More fresh veggies, fewer mushed science projects.

An eating good stuff tip (although I don't know if it's a tip if it's this obvious): put the fresh fruit and veggies in an easily accessible place, even on the counter for the short term. I've had strawberries turn to science projects in the back of my fridge when if I'd put them on the top shelf or on the counter, they would have been gone in a day. What a waste.

Another: when the fruit is about to go and you can't convince anyone to eat it, throw it in a freezer bag & use it for smoothies later. I have enough bananas to make smoothies & banana bread for an army. Oh yeah, tip three: actually USE the frozen fruit.

Cravings

2009-05-13T13:16:00.001-07:00

In Eating the Angel Way, Annie asked (among other things) what do you do about cravings?

There have been times in my life when I have had a box of Wedding Cookies, a large bag of peanut M & M's & a quart of ice cream on my bed behind my closed door, as I tried to make myself feel better. Other times there have been extra-large bags of Cheetos, pasta with mayonnaise (what?), & a bag of jelly beans.

I think I ate in secret, not because I was ashamed, but because I didn't want to share. When we were kids, Mom would divide the cookies into three boxes so my brother & sister & I wouldn't fight over them. Until she did that, I'd eat what I could before anyone else could get it, like a starved dog or a child of the street. Even though I knew there would always be more (no matter what Mom threatened.) It didn't make sense.

I makes less sense now that I buy the groceries and don't have to ask anyone or answer to anyone (shut up Bob, I'll eat as much ice cream as I freakin' want).

Then there were the days of diets, when I would not allow myself to eat certain things. Dry salads, toast with a teaspoon of peanut butter, a single hamburger patty with NOTHING. I shudder to think. And of course, the inevitable moment when I'd just go ahead and scarf the entire bag of crunchy Cheetos.

So now that I'm grown up (shut up!) I don't d-word. I don't have bad foods. I don't hoard food (no matter what anyone may think of the Pepperidge Farms macadamia nut cookies in my bra drawer --- hey! It's Pepperidge Farms. I bought the kids Oreos.) Any way... back to cravings.

On a side note... what's with these magazines and their "healthy substitutions"?

Instead of an Extra Large Snickers Candy Bar, have a jelly bean, save a gazillion calories.
Instead of scallops & shrimp with alfredo sauce and fettuccine, have a rice cake with plain tuna.
Instead of homemade coffee ice cream, have a whole wheat cracker.

What the ??????

What I do now is think about my cravings. Do I want something sweet? Chocolate or jelly bean sweet? Salty or spicy? Crunchy or smooth? I spend a good bit of time imagining eating food, to figure out what it is that I really really want.

So, no, a whole wheat cracker won't do if I want a gallon of coffee ice cream. But a small cup might do. And a low-fat latte might also, but why bother? And if I want sour cream, I eat sour cream, but not a whole carton.

If I know what sensation I want, I can figure out how to get it without breaking the calorie bank, or my stomach. And so I don't do the serial binge... do I want chocolate? *Eat a Snickers* nope. do I want salty? *eat a bag of chips* nope. do I want creamy? *eat a jar of mayonnaise (What?)* oh yeah, that was it.

I still may eat for the wrong reasons. I still eat what I don't really want because it's there. Or on television. But at least I think about it.

Monday

2009-05-11T11:13:00.000-07:00

At the risk of boring the hell out of everyone, this is what I've eaten today:

7:00 a.m. coffee
8:30 a.m. more coffee
12:30 1/2 a turkey & Swiss on some sort of whole wheat roll with mustard, lettuce, and tomato
carrot chips
diet Coke

I am feeling like death warmed over. It is rainy and actually COLD! outside. I am working on a tax return for a non-profit organization, and thinking how I can't possibly charge them what it's worth, because I'm a sucker.

I took my meds this morning (for low thyroid and high blood pressure) so there isn't a good reason for me to feel like crap, except maybe the pig with the runny nose I French-kissed over the weekend.

Oh well, back to work. I think I have some pineapple in the fridge.

Addendum (4:20 p.m.)

2:30 pineapple, blueberry, blackberry, & strawberry with plain lowfat yogurt
3:30 handful of snack mix (crunchy cheetoes, sun chips, pretzels, doritoes)
diet coke

Time to go home now. I think I'll crawl into bed and read more library books.

Following the rainbow... again

2009-05-07T12:01:00.001-07:00

Monday I ate THREE whole rainbows. I was at work, so that's pretty impressive. I doubled the rainbow with a colorful tuna salad (tuna with red, yellow, & orange peppers & celery) on a colorful regular salad (romaine & radicchio, baby corn, grape tomatoes, & the pepper mix). For dinner I had mac&cheese with peas&carrots. I had vanilla yogurt with the dried rainbow muesli for breakfast. I'm pretty sure I got three rainbows all together.

I've managed a rainbow each of the other days.

It's easier to eat rainbows in the spring and summer. I visit the produce stand near work, or the well-stocked produce department at Bi-Lo. There is something about warm weather that makes me want to eat grapes, pears, peaches (I can't wait!), blueberries, strawberries....

I am going to explore the rainbow spices this week. Don't warn my kids.

Bless my heart...

2009-05-03T06:15:00.000-07:00

OK, in my quest for quirky ways to get motivated, I've found www.flylady.com which is supposed to help me clean my house and improve my health. Cool, huh?

Anyway, May is move in May month or something like that. When you log in your minutes, they add it to everyone else's and tell you where you've gone. Cute, but I want to know where I've gone, not the 10 billion other people.

SOOOOO... I am walking to San Francisco. I can't find a cool Internet thingy that will let me pick where I live and where I want to go and let me fill in the miles as I go. Someone ought to make one of those. For free.

I have a map & mileage on an Excel spreadsheet. I am going to track my miles. Today I plan to walk about a mile. I think it will take me three years to get to San Francisco, but who knows, I might have some longer walks along the way. I don't want to blow my wad on the first day. :D

In other exciting news, I cleaned the bathroom while Gabe played in the tub. I feel soooo very GOOD, I think I'll take a nap.

The chart

2009-05-01T13:37:00.001-07:00

I kept the food journal (more or less) for a week. It was not a good week.

I made a chart (using my ultra-fine sharpies) with the date, ROYGBiv, brown (grains & stuff), and white for protein. My husband glanced over and said, "kind of back loaded there, huh?" I nodded.

Last week, I ate a good bit of fruit, but the veggies were limited to squash casserole and green beans (cooked with pork) at Lizard's Thicket & the lettuce and tomato on the burgers and chicken sandwiches.

The brown was mostly whole grain, because that's what I eat. Well, except the white bread rolls for the burgers and the white pasta with the mac&cheese from Lizard's Thicket.

The protein, aside from the above mentioned burgers, as maybe not so bad. Lean, for the most part. Still... country fried steak probably is NOT on any angel's menu.

So this week, I am preparing good lunches for work so I won't be tempted to run to Hardee's. I am going to eat a good colorful breakfast. I have a muesli I made with dried bananas, cranberries, blueberries, raisins and dates. When I put it on yogurt with a little honey, it is really good (I'm not just saying that to make myself believe it) and it will keep me full most of the day. I also have whole wheat English muffins, peanut butter, and bananas. And then, for special occasions, breakfast burritos with egg, diced red, yellow, orange, & green peppers, & cheese. And a blueberry smoothie to get that elusive Biv in the day.

I have joined the 20th century (and can almost see the 21st) by purchasing a Blackberry curve. I am going to use it to keep track of my meals, as soon as I figure out how. Right now, I'm having a little trouble answering the phone.

The journal

2009-04-23T12:54:00.000-07:00

OK, I got a cute little notebook for my food list. It's about three inches square with graph paper inside it. Cool.

And I've written what I've eaten for the last two days. Not so cool. Keebler cookies play a large role. They aren't even very good. Why waste calories on nasty cookies?

And, in case you thought there was ANY hope, this was lunch (from Lizard's Thicket):

chicken fried steak
mac & cheese casserole (the kind baked with eggs and extra butter)
squash casserole (the kind baked with cheese, eggs, and extra butter)
green beans (cooked with pork)
corn bread (extra butter)
sweet tea

I usually drink unsweetened tea, but if you ask for unsweetened tea at a place like Lizard's Thicket, it is sooo nasty it might as well be instant. The only restaurant that has good unsweetened tea around here is the Indian restaurant in 5-points. They make their tea with cloves and other spices so it almost tastes sweet. I need to go there next week...

I'm going to work on the meditation part. I've grabbed a mandala from coloring castle. This idea/exercise is thanks to Dina. I don't think I'll fall asleep while coloring.

Eating the Angel Way --- the blog

2009-04-22T07:11:00.000-07:00

http://eatingtheangelway.blogspot.com/

Annie has started a new blog dedicated to Eating the Angel Way, which she is writing with her research assistant. As she says, it's not all "woo-woo," the angels know their science and nutrition.

For those of us who have struggled with weight and food issues, this is a godsend. (No pun intended, I guess.) For me, the guidelines are liberatingly simple.

Of course, sometimes it's easier to follow someone else's strict plan, to eat nothing but grapefruit and rice, or to pop a pre-made meal in the microwave.

ETAW demands personal responsibility. Listen to your body. Eat what you need. Make a decision, for Pete's sake.

Don't blame the mean girls in middle school. (They are all either fatter than you or meth-head skeletons now anyway.) Don't blame your mother, even if she did start each day by asking you "do you need to eat that?" Don't blame Aunt Annie, who embraced you in her size X-to-the-10th-power-L loving arms and offered you cake with peeps whenever you walked into the room.

This is about you. You and that tablespoon full of mayonnaise.

The first step is meditation, to become aware of your body. To feel breathing. To remember hunger. I have trouble meditating because I fall asleep. I had a 5 minute CAT scan and fell asleep on the little tube you have to lie on. That's another issue...

The second step is keeping track of what you eat, plot it, think about it, put it on a color coded Excel spread sheet --- I made the last part up. I love me some color coded Excel spreadsheets. I don't love keeping track of my eating. I lie to myself and my little notebook. That's another issue...

I encourage y'all to check out Eating the Angel Way.. the blog. I'll try to be amusing as I follow along and share my adventure. Let me know how it's going for you. I'm nosy. But that's another issue...

After the rain there's a rainbow

2009-04-19T08:38:00.000-07:00

and all of the colors are black... no, that's not what I want.

It's spring, when even the clothes looks like a fruit stand. If that doesn't inspire me to eat a rainbow every day, what will?

The fridge, also called the graveyard of good intentions, needs some serious attention today. There are some things that used to be red, orange, yellow, green, and purple, but are now sort of fuzzy white/green/blue. Science experiments gone wrong.

The freezer is packed full of cooking experiences that weren't quite great enough to eat the second time. I always cook too much and rarely eat or serve left overs. One of these habits has to go.

About half the freezer space is packed with mashed bananas that were about to go bad. I keep meaning to make banana bread or something. Maybe next week.

This week, I'm back to the Angel way of eating. And I'm waiting patiently for Annie's new blog, the Angel Way of Eating. I'll keep you informed...

New day

2009-04-16T05:06:00.000-07:00

In the past month I haven't eaten anything that wasn't white or brown food except for some wilted lettuce and soggy tomatoes on my Zaxby grilled chicken sandwiches. Oh yeah, I ate fruit on Easter, but that was a special day.

Tax season stress seemed to demand a high protein high carb diet. Weird, huh? Like a marathon runner carb loading before a big race. Only, I just raced around my office saying, "It is not possible to lose a file in an office this small. It is somewhere. Oh, how did it get in the fridge?"

I wonder if I'm ready for the real world again. Maybe. I do sort of feel like Dorothy stepping into Oz... ooh look at the colors! Did I miss the azaleas? A violet!

On we go...

Food Journals

2009-03-27T10:32:00.001-07:00

For many people, food journals are a very helpful tool in losing weight or eating in a more healthy manner. Almost all diet programs suggest you start with a food journal. I've heard (or read) many people say that just the act of keeping a journal will help them lose weight.

Journals help you realize just how much you are eating: "Wow, cleaning up the kids' mac & cheese really adds up."

They can encourage you to make healthy choices: "Do I want to eat that enough to write it in my journal?"

They can help you realize your eating habits, like the bag of cookies you eat when you talk to your mother on the phone.

I, however, am not most people. I am perverse. As I have mentioned, just saying the "D" word can make me gain 5 lbs. I set my intention to eating a healthy variety of fruits, veggies, and lean protein --- food I actually LIKE, and suddenly I cannot resist the Hardee's Omelet Biscuit with large fried potato things. What's that about?

I was just looking at a food journal I kept for about a week this summer. I had been eating the angel way for about a week, I guess, and decided to keep track. KABOOM! Day one: cottage cheese with lots of pretty fruit (which I LOVE); turkey on wheat with spinach & tomatoes; tacos with lots of veggies. Day two: Whopper with large fries. Day three: Hardee's biscuit. Still ate a lot of fruit and veggies, but I'm thinking the Whopper/biscuit/Quarter pounder with cheese was NOT what the angels had in mind.

Unlike most people, I am not intimidated by the food journal. One: I will lie to my journal. Why not? Two: Even if I write the truth, and even if I publish that on-line or at weight watchers or whatever, I don't care what other people think. No one has scolded me about what I eat in many years, but the early training made me immune to scolding. Kathy, do you need that? Kathy, is that on your diet? Kathy, do you have to eat the whole carton of Breyers Ice Cream in one sitting? Yup, yup, yup. Thanks for asking.

I still start up food journals all the time. I love journals. I love food. Perfect match. Maybe some day I'll find a way to journal that helps me with my food fetishes. Hope springs eternal.. and there is always a journal sale at Barnes & Noble...

Friday

2009-03-20T05:09:00.001-07:00

I am thinking yogurt and pineapple. See the yellow food thing happening? This is what happens when an introvert is forced into a customer service job for 9 hours a day. I am really drained.

No walking to speak of, unless you call pacing around the office like a chicken with my head cut off, searching for the pen/piece of paper/check I just had and put some place but where? exercise. I think it counts. I'll call it the severly distracted exercise plan. 10 thousand steps to no where.

Not complaining. It's Friday. Although I work tomorrow, I am feeling less stressed than I have been. I think it's the yellow food.

A journey of a thousand miles ...

2009-03-07T04:17:00.001-08:00

... begins with a single step. Or in my case, 5647 steps. That's what I ended up with last night. I took a few more before and after the pedometer, but that's close enough.

Part of that came from a quick walk around the yard at work. The yard is about an acre. The day was pleasant, the birds were singing, the snakes were still sleeping. I stomped around, aerating the yard with my red high heel boots. It was nice.

Last night we ate sour cream chicken enchiladas from a recipe I found on Cinnamon & Spice and everything nice. It was a big hit and has made it to the "have again" list. This dispels any rumors that I am on a DIET. I only use real sour cream. I do try to eat a moderate amount of the food though, and this was filling. With a nice salad on the side --- I had planned to serve a rainbow three bean + salad (canned yellow wax beans, canned green beans, canned dark red kidney beans, grape tomatoes, chopped canned beets over romaine & radicchio) but didn't. We were in the middle of a RISK game (with a real board and real people) and I forgot about it.

I also made Rainbo Gumbo.

I started with the Cajun trinity --- chopped celery, chopped green bell peppers, chopped (purple) onion sauteed in olive oil.
I added red pepper (cayenne), garlic, and chili powder.
I added chopped chicken and chicken sausage. Andouille is usually used, but I was keeping the meat to chicken and shrimp.
More pepper-type spice.
Next, I added chopped tomatoes (I used canned) and okra. To make it a Rainbo, I added shredded carrots and yellow squash.
Stir, smell, taste and... more pepper spices.
I needed chicken broth to make the gumbo the right texture --- somewhere between soup and stew. The last thing was the peeled shrimp.

Note: When we put the food up, there was a good bit of broth. My darling husband put it in a glass & drank it. He said that it was like V-8 with spice and chicken broth, and that was what V-8 had been missing. I'm not recommending that necessarily, but....

Shredded carrots are a real go-to food if you are trying to sneak in veggies. They can be added to chili, gumbo, casseroles, salads, even pancakes (although that might be weird). Just mix 'em in. Carrots are a sweet vegetable, so most kids like them if they don't think too hard.

Today's walking goal: let's break 6000! I am sooo close.

Foot steps

2009-03-06T04:34:00.000-08:00

On the first day of wearing my new pedometer, I logged about 1500 footsteps. On the second day, I logged 2500, but I put it on earlier. So I'm thinking I need to walk about four or five times MORE than I am walking.

Yesterday was a good day for me, in that I took the day off from one job and completed all of the work I needed to do in the other. I am ready to face today, back to the first job. Yesterday was not great in the eat right department. Oh well. Today is a new day. I think it is a yellow and orange day. Maybe red. I can't forget the red.

If you miss the train I'm on...

2009-03-04T04:14:00.000-08:00

you will know I have NOT gone 500 miles, or even 10,000 footsteps. I forgot my pedometer, and my mileage was back and forth from the copier. Today, I wear the pedometer. I haven't put it on yet, so give me a few footsteps around the house... pathetically few.

Since I'm feeling really pissy today, I may walk 10,000 footsteps AWAY from my job and not turn back. But I doubt it. I'd just have to send someone for my minivan.

Renorming

2009-03-02T10:30:00.000-08:00

The thought that has come in to my head recently, through my own comments to other, through magazine articles, through drifting considerations, is that I need to "re norm" my body again.

A month of mindful eating helps me get focused on my habits. Just by paying attention, I lost 10 lbs. But, the little thoughts say, that's really not enough. Oh, yeah, it's great to be merely "overweight" and not "obese," but if I want to dance at Brendon's wedding (and we're talking about a 6 month old here), I need to do more.

And I know what I need to do, too. Move. Not away from SC. Just move. Get up and dance. Get up and walk around the yard. Run up and down the stairs. I need to get moving to move the weight.

(Notice, I am avoiding the "E" word as well as the "D" word.)

So I think I'll pull out my cheap (free) pedometer and aim for 10,000 steps. I'll keep in mind that with this pedometer, going to the bathroom (pulling my pants down and up) counts as about 6 steps. But what's six steps (or 36) when you're talking 10,000 steps.

Here we go: Tomorrow is week one, day one of the 10,000 step challenge.

On the rainbow front: I've got all sorts of rainbow things happening. Mark pointed out that I don't have to eat an entire rainbow in each dish, and I suppose he's right. I'm just a casserole queen.

I'm also concentrating on yellow and orange, because that's what I want and because I have to deal with people all of the damn time these days.

Week four, day five

2009-03-01T08:44:00.000-08:00

My three weeks of eating the angel way ended last Wednesday, but I'm still doing it. As Annie said, just try to get the rainbow in, if it's a bad day. And I've had a couple of bad days. And I responded by eating a Hardee's omelet biscuit. Amazingly enough, it didn't do it for me. So I ate some cottage cheese & pineapple. That was good.

Confiserie by John Duffy

I have been eating banana chips at work. I have never gone for them, since they are pretty high in calories, made with added sugar (why, I ask) and oil. But now I'm addicted. And as I was eating one the other day, I thought, "This would be really good with mayonnaise." Go figure.

I guess the yellow food makes sense. I am an introvert who is compelled to interact with people five and a half days a week. I need the yellow food to help me cope. I'm doing OK. I will not complain (too much) about the choice I made. I just need a snow day. And some more yellow food.

Wednesday

2009-02-25T11:18:00.000-08:00

Wednesdays are "hump" days, which is probably why my husband likes them so much... no wait, that isn't what I was going to write about.

Yesterday, I was sick. I was sick because (I am pretty sure) I haven't been taking my blood pressure medicine every day. I woke up with a really bad headache. I have a lot of headaches, and usually a terrifying cocktail of Alka-seltzer & ibuprofen will take care of it. Yesterday, no. So, I decided to take my blood pressure. I'm not sure why. It was 160/112, which is not good.

I hate taking blood pressure medicine, and really hope that through healthy eating, exercise (in fact as well as theory), and meditation (ditto), I can get to the point where I can control the bp without the meds. I am not there yet. And if I get stupid and don't take the meds, I threaten my health is a very serious way.

So here I am, having taken my medication like a good girl. I have been drinking lots of water. I have eaten a rainbow today, with nice lean protein. I went to the Bi-Lo this morning and shopped for work. When I left, I realized I had not gone down a central aisle. I stayed on the periphery: bakery, produce, dairy, deli.

I feel much better. I still don't have time to do everything. I have "fired" a client, but I was sweet about it. I have spent too much time organizing, sorting, and sifting and not enough producing revenue, but what the heck? I'm alive.

Yellow food

2009-02-23T05:52:00.000-08:00

Yellow is the color of sunshine and daisies. It is warm and healing and happy.

Yellow is the color of cowardice and jaundice. It is bilious and cynical.

Yellow is the center chakra --- the belly-button. It is related to digestion in the body and self-esteem & relationships in groups in the other.

Yellow is about how we fit in, how we fit in our bodies, how we fit with each other. Maybe. I'm not sure I understand that part.

I am an introvert, speaking in a Meyers-Briggs kind of way. I have taken that test many times and while some things change, I am usually an introvert & intuitive perceiver. I don't think that is something I want to adjust. I'm not sure anyone is saying I should change that. What this means is that although I enjoy company, I need to energize with alone time.

In most groups, I am comfortable, one way or the other. Sometimes I am a speaker, sometimes I am a listener. Comfort, of course, is a relative term. There is the "under the comforter with a cat and a good book and a soft fluffy pillow" kind of comfort. There is the "why are these people talking about their hairstyles and their tennis games please pass me a martini" kind of comfort. There are funerals, at which I am comfortable, although I wouldn't want to do it more often. There are weddings... ditto. I am almost always comfortable, even if I'm not happy about it. I don't think "these people don't want me here." I don't think "these people are going to kill me" (except for the time I stumbled into the Young Republican meeting in college, but I brought beer, so it was OK.) I think my comfort comes from oblivion as much as from self-confidence. (Hey, Kath, did you notice you were the only white person in the McDonald's in DC where you asked for directions? No, actually, I didn't. Is that why everyone stared at me? I thought it was my beauty.) But for whatever reason, it

Yellow food: bananas, squash, yellow peppers, lemons, grapefruit, starfruit, onions, pineapple, apples

Are there more yellow vegetables? It seems to be such a sweet color.

Bob made a great meal the other day, leaning toward the yellow and orange colors. It was shrimp, julienned carrots, squash, bok choy and onions, on whole wheat fettuccine with a garlic/white wine/lime sauce. I don't think there was a recipe. We'll have to make one up.

AWE: Week three Day one

2009-02-22T08:14:00.000-08:00

It is hard to believe I've been eating the angel way for two weeks. I really didn't think I'd be able to do it. I wasn't perfect, of course.

Friday was "fast food" Friday, or would have been if I'd been able to get out for lunch. Saturday was fill your face Saturday. I still managed a rainbow, with the help of a pasta salad chock full of nice veggies and cheese for protein. \

I looked up chakra on the Internet. I even found a cool place to take a test to see if your chakras are where they are supposed to be. (I love me some Internet quizzes!) I didn't like my first result. It said I was OVERACTIVE in the throat (like I talk too much!) and under active in the red through orange --- basic self-esteem and sexual stuff. Please.

So I took the test again, and it said I was on target in ALL areas, except being over-active in the third eye, suggesting I might live in a fantasy world. Can you imagine?

I did think it was interesting that I've been craving the yellow and orange foods. I always eat a good bit of red --- tomatoes are us. I have been obsessing about blue foods so much my husband has told me to stop putting blueberries in everything. Maybe I don't need to worry about the blue so much. I mean, I do like blueberries. I eat blueberries and bananas in my oatmeal. Maybe I should think about the red, yellow, orange for awhile.

Update: AWE Week 2 day 4

2009-02-18T10:54:00.000-08:00

Usually when I don't keep up with the healthy eating blog, it's because I've been pigging out on fast food and ice cream. Not this time. I'm eating well! Really. I've been eating the angel way for about a week and a half now. I think I've managed at least one rainbow each day & I'm enjoying lean protein with each meal.

What makes this exceptional is that I am swamped with work. Since last Wednesday, I have worked over 50 hours in the regular office alone. In addition, I've put in at least 8 hours (probably more) at the church. This is in addition to family, Carolina School for Inquiry board (although I cut the meeting for the first time in two years), friends, and cats. So there has been little or no time to blog about it.

In some ways, "testing" the angel way of eating during tax season is unfair. This is the most stressful time of the year. I have a low grade headache all of the time. I am short-tempered and sensitive. I quit my job on a daily basis. However, it is amazing to me that I feel so much better than I usually do at this time. Better than I usually feel at a less stressful time. I am not hungry, but I am not eating a lot. I am able to drive past a dozen or so fast food restaurants on the way to work with only a little twinge of a voice whining, "But I really NEEEEEED a steak egg & cheese biscuit!!!!" I don't even want any of the fast food lunch offerings. If I forget to bring lunch (or run out of the stock in the office) I eat Wendy's chili and a side salad. But I'd rather have the pretty salad I bring from home, with tuna (admittedly canned) or chicken.

I haven't tried to eat less, but I've lost about ten pounds. It's probably not really ten pounds. It's probably a combination of a perverse scale, water weight, and real weight loss. But I feel better, my skin looks better, and even with the massive amount of stress, I feel better.

Thanks, Annie & the Angels.

Day one: Eating the Angel Way --- Fast breakfast

2009-02-08T06:31:00.000-08:00

One of my biggest obstacles to healthy AWE eating is my work schedule & breakfast.

I work at the church from about 6 a.m. to 8 a.m., then I drive to the country, stopping by the post office & maybe a fast food place, to open the office at 9 a.m. Although some fast food places offer "healthier" alternatives, their vegetables are still limited to pickles, lettuce, tomato, and onion. And you can't get most of those at breakfast.

I wake up about 20 minutes before I leave for work. Some days it's less than that. If I could get up earlier & fix breakfast at home, that would be nice. It's not going to happen, but it would be nice.

Alternatively, I could buy a Wildberry banana smoothie from McDonald's & make a rainbow breakfast burrito at work. I have a full-sized refrigerator & a large microwave. (I haven't been able to find nutrition information on the smoothie, so when I can, I'll try to make my own.)

The recipe:
At Home: chop & mix tomatoes, shredded carrots, corn, green peppers, scallions, & purple onions. Put this mixture in a plastic bag or container. (I've also used red, orange, and yellow bell peppers if they aren't too dear.)

At Work: Spray bowl (glass, plastic or paper) with olive oil spray. Add 1 egg & a handful of vegetable mix. Sprinkle on shredded cheese. Place a tortilla (I use whole wheat) over the bowl like a lid. Nuke for a minute, or until the egg is set.

Turn it over onto a plate & roll it up.

Don't leave dirty dishes in the sink. Your momma don't work here.

writers and witches, and words...oh my!: eating the angel way, part seven redux

2009-02-04T11:31:00.000-08:00

I mentioned eating the angel way earlier. I also mentioned that I have been giving any and all angels fits this week. It's tax season. My stove broke. I didn't feel like eating anything other than the Hardee's omelet cardiac arrest biscuit with potatoes. Leave me alone! I'm tired!

Which, of course, is the problem. We don't want to eat well when we are stressed and busy and running around like headless poultry (mmmm... a fried chicken sandwich...) Sorry, I'm back. In the short run, grease in the form of butter, grease, processed cheese food, mayonnaise, etc. is very soothing. In the long run, aside from feeling like you need to wash your face every five minutes, you feel cruddy.

I know that I need to eat better to feel better. I know that I like fruit and vegetables, and if they are easy to get to, and haven't dissolved into a pile of slime in the fridge, I want to eat them. I know I like low-fat protein that isn't deep fried (really, it can be done.) It's just that right now...

Which is why, when Annie said she needed ~~guinea pigs~~ volunteers to try out the angel way of eating for three weeks and give her cool quotes for her book, I said, ~~"Hell no"~~ "Hey that sounds like a great idea. Count me in."

Soooooo.... starting Sunday, I will be making my angels happy for three whole weeks. Really.

What I have working against me (see above):

orneriness
tax season
an addiction to Hardee's biscuits even though the commercials suck
tax season
sleep deprivation
the second job at the church
the school & it's needs (not so much these days, thank God & Victoria)
tax season

What I have going for me:

orneriness
a full kitchen at work (no stove, but a full sized fridge, microwave, & toaster)
quiet desperation
the support of friends and family in real life, and I hope, in the blogosphere.

For more information about Eating the Angel Way, to read a cool blog, check out:

writers and witches, and words...oh my!: eating the angel way, part seven redux

And wish me luck.

Confessions

2009-02-01T05:29:00.000-08:00

This week sucked in the eating right department. I ate fast food breakfasts, often opting for the biscuit instead of the burrito. I ate fast food cheese burgers, chicken sandwiches and chicken fingers. My veggies were lettuce (sort of), tomatoes, and nibbles from a wilted bag of broccoli, carrots & cauliflower. I feel like a tub of lard. Trans fats and everything.

I'd like to say it will be better next week, but the down-spiral was set off by a broken stove and the rush of tax season. That isn't going to change this week. The stove was a glass-top. I love glass top, but (who knew?) if they break the repairmen don't like to mess with it. The replacement unit costs three or four hundred dollars. Mine is a Frigidaire, and the only guy who would think about fixing glass-tops in general doesn't do Frigidaire.

Soooooo... I can get a new stove for about 5 or 6 hundred dollars. We can sort of afford that right now (tax season = more hours = more money) but I don't know when we'll go look. Maybe today between church, producing last minute W2s, doing end of month reports and going back to the church for my Inquirer's Class.

In the mean time, poptarts and tea (cause I'm out of coffee.) And off to face the day.

Eating the Angel Way

2009-01-26T04:11:00.000-08:00

I am starting by keeping track of my eating. Last year, I joined the Oprah Winfrey thing, I forget what it was called. The cool thing was that for the first couple of weeks you just kept track of food. They suggested meals, but I always mixed it up. The website kept track of calories, nutrients, and all kinds of fun things, but I'm not going to worry about that too much. I spent way too much time thinking about food.

So, for the angel way of eating (from Annie Kelleher), I am eating a rainbow a day, plenty of protein (white food), and not so much brown food --- the rest of the stuff.

Today, for breakfast:

two pieces of whole wheat toast

peanut butter

banana

coffee

For lunch:

tuna salad with corn
small whole-grain pita
Romaine lettuce
tomato slice

For snack:

mixed veggies: cauliflower, carrot, broccoli, beets
cheese

For supper:

tacos
lettuce
tomato
black olives
cheese

Things I know

2008-11-23T06:27:00.000-08:00

I know that I will feel better if I lose weight. Not because I will be a gorgeous babe, but because I will have more energy if I have less to carry around. Clear out the baggage: in this case, the saddle bags.

I know that I will not lose weight unless I exercise. I know that exercise will make me feel better.

I know I will not run a marathon, although that sounds really good.

I know that nothing is stopping me from walking out the door and around the block --- nothing but me.

Protein

2008-11-18T12:00:00.000-08:00

I am still having trouble finding easy to eat low fat protein. I bought Tofu and Tempeh, but I'm not sure when I'll get around to doing anything with them. I plan to use the tofu in smoothies, but I haven't done one yet. I don't know what to do with the tempeh. Maybe I'll mix it in with some brown rice and a bunch of veggies and something not on my list like sour cream. Hey, it's dairy. Just not low fat.

Today I ate brown rice (pre-made in a little container), V-8 butternut squash soup, broccoli, carrots, grape tomatoes and Havarti cheese, all microwaved together. It was good and has kept me happy all afternoon.

Too sick to eat... NOT

2008-11-02T02:49:00.000-08:00

I am a person who can gain weight when I have a stomach virus. The only times I have ever lost weight while sick were when I had debilitating migraines for three months and when I had some sort of terrible holiday flu from Christmas to New Years.

Now I have a normal sinus/chest cold. I have no appetite, but some how manage to eat. Of course, all I can handle are sugar, fat, and carbohydrates. What's with that?

When I was younger, I used speed to lose weight. Not only did it not quell my appetite, it tore up my stomach so all I could eat were Big Macs and fries. Good lord, there has to be a better way.

yesterday I ate:
eggs, grits, cheese, turkey sausage
cantaloupe, strawberry, pineapple
chicken breast, new potatoes with herbs
green beans, broccoli, banana pudding.
saltine crackers

All you can eat

2008-10-30T14:20:00.000-07:00

Studies have shown that if a person (particularly an overweight person) is faced with a lot of choices in food, he or she will eat more than if there are only a few choices. I don't know how much grant money it took to reach this conclusion, but the cash probably went to pay the food bill at an all you can eat restaurant in Myrtle Beach, SC.

I heard today that the grand strand has something like 1700 restaurants. I believe it. Driving down Ocean Blvd, there is mile after mile of cuter and catchier restaurants, all as big as warehouses and all offering all you can eat SOMETHING. There were three all you can eat seafood places where we ate on Sunday night, with the comparatively moderate McDonald's in between. The place we ate offered 120 different items on its buffet. Seafood was the star --- mostly fried, but also broiled, blackened, and blanched salmon, tuna, mahi-mahi, and shrimp. For those who don't like seafood, especially the kind that has been sitting under a warming light for hours, there was roast beef, manicotti, and chicken. And lots of sides: mac&cheese casserole, squash casserole, potato casserole... endless. I haven't gotten to the desserts...

Then there was Rioz, a Brazilian all you can eat meat restaurant. First they sent you around a salad/seafood bar that presented enough for two or three meals. Just getting "a taste" of about half the stuff filled my plate. Fortunately or unfortunately, no one had explained the rules to me. Once you sat down, you had a little circle thing (that I thought was a coaster) that was red on one side and green on the other. Green means... you guessed it... "GO". And "GO" meant that cute little Brazilian (or something) fellows would bring meat to your table. (Not that kind of meat.) I missed out on a lot while I ate sushi and salad (which was really good --- two rainbows and lots of protein). Then I figured out the green/red thing and tried a lamb chop. By the time I figured it out, it was winding down, but I got some sort of rump roast and passed on chicken wings. Dessert was dark and white chocolate mousse cake.

The whole atmosphere was massive --- dark with flashing lights, loud Brazilian music, packed tables. I kept hearing the masses battering the doors in. In fact, that night I had a weird dream involving a bloody revolution of zombies. OK, it was probably the lamb chop & mousse.

I have no doubt that people eat more when offered a variety of food. You want to try everything, and "a taste" is never enough. Couple that with the price of these restaurants, and you have people who want to get their monies worth eating a taste of everything.

Do I get the grant?

Sunday morning

2008-10-26T04:54:00.000-07:00

I have pretty much gained all of the weight from the colonoscopy. Oh well.

I am going to the beach for a conference. When I have choices, I will pick veggies, whole grains, and not fried food. I will eat a rainbow every day and pick lean protein.

I will walk on the beach every day.

Goal setting

2008-10-19T06:37:00.000-07:00

Goals suck, but I'm going to set some anyway.

I want to lose 15 lbs by New Years Day. That comes to about 1.5 lbs a week, reasonable by everyones standards.

I'm going to use this blog as a healthy eating journal. (I almost said the d word --- a kiss of death worse than the G word that I did use.)

Today, I have eaten eggs poached in grits with cheddar cheese. I added onion flakes and garlic powder, because it was close at hand. No butter or butter type food. For most people, that may not be a big thing, but it's big for me. I think of grits, bread, potatoes and pasta as a place to put my butter and cheese and even mayonnaise. I really like mayonnaise.

Tonight I will eat poached fish and mashed potatoes. Because of the colonoscopy, I have to have a low residue meal. That means no vegetables or grains. Potatoes are OK. So is white bread, but I don't eat that.

I used to eat white bread. I loved to pull a piece and roll it into a pellet of dough and eat it. Sometimes I'd put margarine and sugar on it and eat it. It was better when I learned to broil it. Add a little cinnamon to the sugar and you aren't even a marginal eater any more. You've gone legit.

I also ate white bread with margarine, Vienna sausages, and a slice of American processed cheese food, broiled until the cheese food blew up like a parachute and settled down again on the Vienna sausages.

I guess I have made progress.

The Cute Outfit Principle

2008-10-17T09:38:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I had to have a nuclear stress test. I was injected with radioactive chemicals and forced to walk on a treadmill for miles. OK, maybe one mile. But it was uphill.

Anyway, the instructions said to wear comfortable clothes and shoes for walking. I actually have shoes for walking. I even wear them sometimes. So I pulled them out of the closet and searched for "comfortable clothes."

Now, keep in mind that to me comfortable clothes is an oxymoron. If it weren't for neighbors, teenage children, and an occasional chill wind, I'd be a home nudist. As it is, when I get home from work, I put on a very soft pair of pajama pants and an even softer t-shirt. Comfortable, yes. Fit for wear downtown? No.

Soooooo, I decided I needed a Cute Outfit for Walking. I went to Belk's Department store and found, after much searching, a Cute Outfit for Walking that would match my shoes and my eyes, be comfortable, and not embarrass the people around me (much.) On sale, the Cute Outfit for Walking was about $80, more than I like to pay for anything, except maybe a Cute Outfit for Seeing My Husband's Ex-Girlfriend. However, I cannot in good conscience spend that kind of money on an outfit and wear it for 3 hours (5 minutes of it spent walking on the treadmill). My wedding dress only cost $200, and I have pictures of that.

Of course, it is a Cute Outfit. When I mentioned that I'd bought a Cute Outfit, in the hopes of inspiring myself to walk, the radiation tech said, "yes, that is a cute outfit." I'm not sure why it surprised me that the notion of a "cute outfit for walking" would seem perfectly normal to a lot of people I am not married to. But then, I am often surprised by people.

Now I have my Cute Outfit for Walking, I am going to get my money's worth. I am going to walk every day. At least every other day. At least, some. I have no excuse not to walk.

The weather is nice, my husband is willing, and I have SUCH a cute outfit!

A fresh start with a clean colon

2008-10-15T11:18:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday, I will have a colonoscopy. As I have said elsewhere, I am a posterchild for colonoscopies. You have the test and they can remove the polyps before they become cancerous. How cool is that?

The other thing about colonoscopies is that in order to see those polyps, you have to have a clean colon. This procedure involves a day of clear liquids and laxatives that would clean the sewer system of a small city. In this process, I always lose weight. Not just the water weight that returns after you drink a glass of tea.

I think it works because a day of fasting and pooping gives me a new perspective on eating. It's a great way to start a healthy eating plan. Some people do it regularly, without the colonoscopy, to clean out their system, but I'm not one of those people.

Starting Wednesday, I will choose food that is respectful of my clean colon. I will eat lean protein, veggies & fruits, and low-fat dairy. I will avoid fried stuff. I will picture the grease sliding through my colon.

Come to think of it, picturing anything going through the digestive tract is enough to turn your stomach. I think this might work.

Sunday

2008-10-12T13:51:00.000-07:00

OK, I started with a sausage biscuit and coffee. Then I went to my sister's house and it would have been rude to refuse to eat the grits, eggs, and bacon. And more coffee. For supper, we are having pot roast with potatoes, carrots, and butternut squash. I've nibbled on grape tomatoes while I make the salad for the family feast at Mark's school. That will be a nice healthy salad. It will go well with the cardiac ham and cheese macaroni casserole I'm also making.

The salad:
1 can each black beans & small kidney beans, rinsed
kernels from one ear of corn, cooked
grape tomatoes
chili pepper
1/2 a jalepeno pepper chopped
olive oil
Romaine Lettuce.

Toss first 6 ingredients and store overnight. Toss with lettuce just before serving.

I'm probably going to add some more spices, but I don't want it to be too hot. Cilantro would be good.

I wanted to add avocados, but the one I bought at the Food Lion was inedible.

I may go by the Bi-Lo for cilantro and avocado.

And yet another new beginning....

2008-10-08T16:04:00.001-07:00

I have always said that all my journals begin "this time I am REALLY going to lose weight/ exercise/live a healthier life. This is further proof of that claim.

I wrote this 3 years ago, when I decided to write an AOL journal. It was private, but even then I didn't write much. However, I did write something, so when AOL told me they were closing down my blog and I needed to transfer, I thought, why not? (Or, since I'm channeling Sarah Palin: "why not, doggonit?")

I have not looked at this journal in three years. This rediscovery of past promises finds me at a time in my life when a healthy life change would be a really good thing. My blood pressure, though currently "controlled," is very high. I am once again taking my thyroid medication and I can tell it does make a difference. I won't lose weight because of the medication, though. Another myth shot to hell. I am feeling the stress of three jobs that pay and a couple more that don't, family, friends, and age. And of course, the elections, the economy, and the wars.

In my brain, I know that a good walk around the neighborhood with my loving husband would do wonders for my health, mind, and spirit. It occurred to me today that I am very conscientious about doing the right thing as far as work, family, the environment, etc. In most things in this world, I have left behind hedonism. I go for the long term pleasure and good rather than the cheap thrill. I recycle.

So why do I eat cold tater tots when I really need steamed veggies? Why do I order the thickburger (even the little thickburger) that will make me want to shower and take a nap, when I know broiled fish will make me feel happier throughout the afternoon? Is this one of my last bits of hedonism? Go for the cheap grease thrill instead of the long-term good health feeling?

Maybe I should go back to romance novels.

Oh well... pass the popcorn...

One more new beginning

2005-06-27T07:14:00.000-07:00

Ellen & I went to Curves for the first time in awhile last Tuesday. We got weighed and measured, since it was like starting over. I'd lost weight, but gained back all of the inches I'd lost since October. In a way this is ok, because it may mean I can firm up the flab fairly quickly. I hope so. We have been each day that we'd planned to go since then. Tuesday, Thursday & Sunday. We'll do the same this week... no wait, fourth of July weekend. We'll go Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. One week down. Now let's see about this week! I already feel better!

Curves

2005-05-23T14:18:00.000-07:00

Just because I haven't been to Curves more than three times since the beginning of the year, doesn't mean it isn't a great place. I want to go back, of course, but since I sprained my ankle, I am afraid that I will hurt it again. I know that there are lots of machines that don't even use the ankle, and the ones that do use it probably won't hurt it, but I'm worried. It's probably just an excuse.

I like Curves because it isn't hard but it is effective. Within a couple of weeks, I feel stronger in my thighs and arms, in particular. I lost inches immediately.

My Curves now consists of 15 (I think) machines that are designed for circuit training. They are in a circle with pads for down time in between them. You spend 30 seconds on each machine and go around twice. Even if you hate a machine (like the ab machine that makes me feel like I'm going to fall off), you only have to use it for 30 seconds.

The people at Curves are great. The staff is very friendly and helpful but not at all pushy. When they measure you, they are really supportive. "Oh that's good to gain in the calf and the arm. That's muscle!" "It's normal to gain a little weight to begin with, that's muscle!" "Well at least you feel better, don't you? Weight isn't important!"

The other clients are diverse and mostly friendly or at least indifferent. Sometimes I think snotty thoughts about some of them --- the group of ladies who talk about what dresses they are going to buy more than they exercise, the lady who works out like a demon & who frantically chews gum that Ellen and think is laced with cocaine. ("Did you bring enough for everyone, young lady?") Mostly I look at the older women, the younger women & the middle aged women; the women who have had strokes and the women who are recovering from other injuries; women who are a little flabby and women who are obese; and I think wow. Isn't this great?

I really do want to go regularly. OK, starting tomorrow (Tuesday) I will go regularly. This week I will go on Tuesday and Thursday and Friday. Starting next week I will go Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Really. I am not kidding.

The New Beginning

2005-05-19T11:04:00.000-07:00

Weight: 185

Food today: Breakfast: peanut butter toast (2 pieces), coffee

Lunch: tomato, cucumber and cheddar sandwich, wheat bread, mayo

Water: three servings so far.

Every journal I have started for the past 30 years has begun, "this time I am really going to lose weight." I'm not going to start this one that way. Maybe that will help.

I am hoping that by keeping track of my eating and exercise, I'll be motivated to keep working. Maybe by putting it in writing on the internet, even in a private place, I'll take charge of my eating and activity.

I am not on a diet. Diets don't work. There are no forbidden foods, except things that taste nasty and only fill my face while I'm trying to realize what else I want to eat. I will not eat just because I am bored. I will eat more fresh stuff and complex stuff and interesting stuff. I will learn how to use herbs and spices. I will try new things.

I am not on an exercise regimen. Those are really yucky. I'm too old to do yucky stuff. I will walk with my children and husband. I will go to Curves because I like the way I feel when I go there. I like to be strong. I will do things that make me feel strong and happy.

I will not bore people with my non-diet and non-regimen. However, I think I'll invite some people to read this, if they are interested. Just to keep me on my toes.