What I can eat

I went to the doctor the other day because of some "issues" that showed up at my annual physical.  He asked if I had lost weight, or if my appetite was different.

"I said, well, yes, I've lost weight.  And my appetite is not as large as it used to be.  But..."

and I stopped.

"This is very important... " I really truly said.

"Unless I am about to die, if this is caused by illness, I do not want you to cure me until I lose another 20 or 30 lbs."

This is the thing:  I don't really feel sick except for some pesky heart burn.  I can't eat a whole lot at a time without becoming uncomfortable, but is that terrible?  I mean, I am 5'4".  I don't need a whole lot of calories.

And not being hungry makes it easier for me to choose better food.  I'm not starving.  I don't have to settle for the saltine crackers in the back of the cabinet.  I can take the time to think about what I want... to eat intuitively and not impulsively.

Since I don't recommend the "get sick and die" diet (I am not dying any more than usual, so don't freak out on me), how does this translate to real life eating?

I think it depends on you and your personality style.  One option is to plan meals in advance and have the food ready to be prepared and eaten.  Although you can't plan for what your body will really need, you do know that a nice mix of colors is good.  If you notice you are liking a lot of orange, plan for extra orange. 

I can't do that, though.  My mind revolts against pre-planning and order.  It's painful, since there is another part of my mind that would like to take a 2012 calendar and spend January 1st writing EVERYTHING that is going to happen all year long.  I'm still working on that... BUT...

My best option is to have a choice of healthy snacks that I really like, not the ones I'm supposed to like.  I am able to go by the grocery store on the way to work and buy fruit and veggies and something for lunch.  If I don't, I have peanut granola bars that will keep me from sucking down the saltines in the back of the cabinet.  And because I get full really fast, I make sure to pick protein & a variety of colors first.  I don't need the fillers as much right now, so I stay on the low end of number of servings of whole grain stuff.

This really sounds great when I write it out.  Isn't that cool?

Intuition or Indulgence?

Have you noticed that diets are about what you can't eat?  I hate to hear people say, "if it tastes good it must be bad for you."  And I feel sad when I see people who spend their entire life on a diet, in a constant battle with themselves, their desires, and their bodies.  Is that a way to live?

As we've said, Eating the Angel Way is about eating intuitively:  good food your body wants and needs.  But if you look up "intuitive eating" on the web, you'll see a lot of arguments against it.  The thought is that if we eat intuitively, we'll eat Snickers sandwiches and butter-cheese balls all day and all night.  Then we'll die.

As I see it, the problem here is semantics.  "Intuitive" does not mean "indulgent" or "urgent."  Eating intuitively doesn't mean eating whatever we feel the urge to eat.  Intuitive is eating what our bodies are really really telling us we want and need.  Intuition is a quiet internal voice. 

Indulgences or urges are most likely loud external voices.  The commercial on TV with piles and piles of pancakes covered in whipped cream and syrup in flavors like pumpkin and eggnog and extra chocolate chocolate pie.  The clock that says NOON which we know means lunch time.  The extra long barbecue buffet bar where we have to eat enough to make it worth the money.  The person who looks like our mother yelling at us, which makes us reach for the Chunky Monkey and pound bag of peanut m&ms.

And so, if I have the urge for a rooty-tooty-fresh-and-fruity pancake platter, I need to listen to my intuition.  I need to shut off the television, shut out the mother-like person yelling at me, turn away from the clock.  I need to ask, what do I really want?

Love?  A hug?  Something festive?  Something sweet?

And when I am getting hungry, I can think about what I want to eat.  I picture myself eating the pumpkin whipped cream pancake and bacon.  I think about the taste (hmmm, not what I'd hoped); I think about how I feel afterward (ooohhh... Alka Seltzer.  And Dawn to rinse the grease...).  I think, a spinach and strawberry salad with raspberry vinaigrette would be really good.  And a carrot cake cupcake with cream cheese icing.   And of course, I might think, yeah, I want the pumpkin whipped cream pancake.

I told you everything that's good isn't bad for you.

Angels in the bottom of the well

Yesterday I ate a not-outrageous amount of dark chocolate from France (which makes it better for you), a Chinese-like frozen lunch with lots of veggies, a bag of Frito's with French onion dip, a whole bunch of Popsicles, a half a blueberry Pop tart (cold) and yogurt.  This is not what you'd call a stellar angel-eating day, but it could be worse.  Really.

Back in the day, I would have eaten the tortilla chips, too.  Also, a pint of ice cream, a pound bag of peanut M&Ms, and a box of Danish Wedding Cookies.

But still, it's not what I'd like to eat.  Not just because it's "bad" food (there is no such thing as BAD FOOD, except maybe that fuzzy green thing in the back of the fridge).  Because right now I feel like a salty, soggy, gassy bag of rice.  And that's not what I want to feel like.

The other day I talked to a woman who said that if she ate one cookie, she'd go on a cookie binge & so she stayed away.  She even said that to her chocolate was like alcohol to an alcoholic.  And I almost said, "There is no bad food."  Fortunately, I had to finish chewing the macadamia nut and white chocolate cookie before I spoke and that gave me time to think a little.  And instead I nodded sympathetically and said, "You know what works for you."

That is what I want to say today.  I know what works for me, sort of.  I listen to Annie & Karen & Dr. Oz & Dr Ornish & even Oprah a little, and they, along with many others, give me insight and advice that is very helpful.  Sort of like a guide book or an Atlas. 

But the most important thing that I get from Annie & Karen is the admonishment to listen to my own body and to listen to the Angels.  Moderation seems to work for me right now, but that doesn't mean it will work for everyone.  It doesn't mean it will always work for me. 

Maybe my friend needs to listen to her Angels and find out why she is addicted.  But that's not for me.  Maybe I need to find out why Frito's and French onion dip seemed to be the answer to my job stress: that is for me. 

And maybe, while I sort through the job stress (still looking for a position as a hermit, FYI), I need to be a little more regimented in my eating.  Maybe I need to set the worry of what to eat aside.  Not a DIET, of course, just a plan that reminds me of the veggies & light protein I tend to forget.  A list of light comfort food so I can get through the day and not have the added stress of what to eat on my mind.  Food I like more than Frito's and French onion dip; food that doesn't make me feel like a soggy bag of rice.  Just a list to shake me out of my yucky food addiction phase.

We'll see, but that's what it sounds like my Angels are saying to me today.  And I really need the advice.